Tuesday, July 7, 2009

"You made your bed..."


"... now LIE in it." I was told as I was receiving my punishments growing up. This is one of the ways I learned my depression.

At the time I didn't get the sense that you could make a nice bed. It was the kind of hopeless bed that one laid in to die.

But why not? Couldn't I learn to do it better? What about a fresh set of sheets? Wouldn't that spruce things up? No I could not (because authority said so... End of story.). There was no making things good in that house--unless authority was drunk or bizarrely happy. And then it was just fate--the gods had forgotten.

I think that I'd like to learn to make a nice bed today... In fact, I think that it's kind of interesting that I've almost never made my bed unless it affected someone else...

I think that I'm DEATHLY AFRAID to make my own bed, because then I'll have to LIE IN IT.

I am trying to embody the truth that I can heal. There is hope. Everybody makes mistakes. I have made mistakes, too. Except I want to make a bed that I can heal in.

I want to get a brand new bed that will protect me when I sleep, and watch over me while I heal. …a bed that allows me to wake up fresh and ready to start things anew.

From the old bed I would wake up feeling groggy and still tired. …for I had been punished and forced to PAY.

In my new bed I wake up fresh-as-a-daisy, and welcome the sunshine as well as a little rain.

I am making a new bed that I can make over and over again.

3 comments:

svasti said...

Thanks for reminding me, I need a new mattress too!

Bed for me, has never been that place you're talking about. But then, it was never (for a long time) a place of refuge and comfort either.

Well, except when I was little. I used to keep a torch (flashlight for you Americans!) near my bed so after 'lights out' time, I could still keep reading in secret under the covers!! ;)

A few years back, I splashed out on nice 400 thread count sheets and other nice bed linen. Makes a difference. I enjoy feeling luxurious and comfy in my bed.

But after 10 years, its definitely time for a new mattress.

I wish you sweet dreams, comfort and peaceful repose in your new bed, bed of dreams, bed where you lie in it and enjoy every minute!!

Michelle said...

Today is a full moon lunar eclipse -- and in 2 weeks we have a new moon solar eclipse. They bring change. They bring endings, and pathways.

Whatever is coming up for you, has excellent timing. This is a powerful moment to set intentions.

Thank you for sharing. It's acceptable to share the great things -- the happy bits, but to share the dark, scary, pieces that need to be honored takes much courage.

I bow before you, grateful. Peace.

Eco Yogini said...

Bed has a history for being unhappy for me as well.. but for different reasons.

Thank you for sharing your story, like Michelle said; now is the perfect timing to start something anew- for us the lunar eclipse happened Tuesday morning at 5:30am and yesterday was the full moon.

I send you positive healing energy and may you sleep peacefully.

Many Blessings