The Mind just doesn't "get" Yoga.

Yoga is in a realm beyond words.

For as crazy in love with yoga as I've been, there is a part of me that remains skeptical. Just this morning, I'm embarrassed to say, I had a moment of fear when I wondered, "How am I going to stand in front of those people and teach them yoga." I was in a moment of feeling lost and disconnected, and I was about a block away from the building where I teach my first class of the day. And thankfully, moments later the looks of warm greeting and expectation from the class caused the doubting me to vanish. I was a passionate teacher, and totally into it once I got started.

There is an aspect of yoga (probably the heart of it) that is beyond words. All we really have to offer one another to pass yoga on is technique. Our minds can grasp technique. But what happens when we practice is ultimately beyond ordinary communication. Poetry tries, but only when we see through the spaces that the ideas open up do we get a fantastic glimpse. So, it's not the words of the poetry or the angles of the arms and legs in a yoga pose, but it is where we go from those launch pads of language and form that is so fortifying and affirming.

So I really believe that yoga is beyond the grasp of the thinking mind. And I find it wonderful that I want to talk about it so much. Isn't it strange to want to speak the ineffable?

The transmission of techniques is important. In a recent posts I've talked about my inner conflict with the traditional teachings, and how I've embraced the marketplace of yoga (because that's what I know...). This is another angle: the importance of studying, using, preserving, living and teaching yoga technique. There is something very real and powerful in these techniques for practicing yoga.

It's important to honor the teachings we have because the mind doesn't get it. And when we think that we've "got it" you can be sure that we're in an inflated state, or stuck because yoga is a window into the unknown. If we think that we know the unknown I'm sure that we are really oversimplifying. Labels and definitions help put things into human hands, but there is something about yoga that is beyond what any one person can hold by himself or herself.

I've been extremely fortunate to have studied extensively with the best Ashtanga Yoga and Iyengar Yoga teachers in town. And the situations where I have been so humbly blessed with beautiful experiences have happened when teachers were honoring these techniques for practice that came from India.

The mind can shape the container that yoga goes into, but that's all. The imperfect process of our humanity becomes blessed with yoga, and escapes the container of ordinary mind.

Linda-Sama recently commented on a post, "there is a saying in India: dharma teachings are like a bowl of rice; you pick out the dirt and leave the rest to nourish you."

There are flaws in the teachings, but even so, we might also be nourished by their wisdom.

*simul-posted at Elephant Journal*

Welcome, Morning Malaise…

Just like giving birth can be painful and joyful, a morning malaise can yield useful realizations, and lead into a joyful day. So it is.

This is the thought I had upon waking today:
“Is maintaining life just prolonging the torture?”

Yikes! Where the heck did that optimistic little gem come from? Right?

Then I realized: “wait a minute…” And decided to look at it…

There is a technique that I like to use at the beginning of a yoga class. This past weekend I had an opportunity to use it. A student had just set up their mat, and I asked, “How are you doing?”

“I’m stressed,” she said and flashed an unhappy look.

To which I responded, “Welcome, stressed!”

To which she giggled!

I had major realizations today. It stemmed from the malaise I woke up with and cleared in my yoga practice. Just like a realization on a theatrical stage might come out of a fog, my foggy mood cleared to reveal something useful. It has to do with an awareness that entertaining negative thought patterns leads to real problems! I have acted in response to my own internal verbal abuse (harsh inner critic) and shut down where I need to energize!

I want to see of I can explain...

So it seems like the thoughts are just there. And I have been watching these thoughts like a scientist might watch the activities of cells in a Petri dish—with little interference. I admit that I have been fascinated with the process.

And I realized that to grow to another level of care for myself, that I have to do something because these self-defeating thought-streams are preventing me from fulfilling goals. “Oh, well, I’m going to die anyway,” is a pretty stupid thought that left unchecked can lead to some pretty irresponsible behavior.

I guess that I realized that I can watch my thoughts destroy the beauty I have in my life, or…

I really think that the way forward is to play the part of the welcome wagon for the macabre. I could say in my imagination, “Welcome, the one who is going to die anyway!” This is actually true. But, life isn’t about the death, it’s about what we can create and do during this time of blessing: this time where I am ALIVE.

So this morning I welcomed “the one who prolongs the torture (of being alive)”. This is a pretty depressed one. But this aspect of consciousness is not without hope! I say this because I also have the capacity to access the aspects of myself that feels that life is good now. And I recognize this negative bit as a figment from my past. And once I got going today I ended up having a really good day. I enjoyed the sun and yoga teaching and the ability to learn about myself in my practice. And I generated some good vibes with yoga!

I shared this in the hopes that if others have negativity showing up on the path to healing, that it can be okay. In fact it may be necessary to find the kind of psychological integration that is unflappable and able to help our world. And I've decided that I'm here for myself in all moods and stages of health. My care is not going anywhere.

First Class at Yogaview-Division

When I announced my new classes on this blog, I had a request to write about it. So here I am aiming to please, and writing about my first class at the new donation-only yoga studio in Chicago, Yogaview-Division.

I arrived at 3:30 pm. It was half-an-hour before class time: 4 pm. I was taking a couple pictures like the one above (it is of the interior entrance to the studio), and thought I'd have a little time to settle in, but just then a couple came down from the Ruby Room Guest Rooms, located up the stairs from the yoga studio. They stayed a bit, talked about how nice it was, and picked up a schedule. Then students started to arrive (yeah!). Everyone (especially me) was excited to be there.

It is a wonderful space. I opened the door towards the back patio, and the sounds of falling water from the fountain outside filled the room. It was almost time to begin class. This class is called "Gentle" on the schedule and it is on Friday at 4 pm (come sometime, if you want—yep, I'm promoting it), so it was no surprise that when I asked around I found out that people wanted to relax. And a couple people had physical concerns. It is always helpful for me to know what is going on with people so I can lead the most beneficial class possible.

We started class in a comfortable seated position, and continued with the sound of OM. Because I was excited, I needed to focus on releasing that so I could be more present to the needs of the class. We released tension from the shoulders with some poses, and opened the groins and hamstrings with others. We did some balancing poses to help clear the mind. And we raised the heat in the body with work. Then we chilled out with some nice supported poses.

I find that there is always a balance between what I have planned for a class, and what the class actually calls for. In other words I strive to pay attention to what each class needs as well as what individuals in the class need. So if I had planned something that was inappropriate for the particular group that showed up, what I see that would serve the group that shows up always trumps the plans I arrive with. And there have been times where I really just wanted to do what I had planned, but if half the class has shoulder injuries and I had wanted to do arm balances then it is clear that we will have to go in another direction.

For this class I had thought that we might have to be more "gentle" than the actual class ended up being. This was a class of experienced and fit yogis that mostly just wanted a little more relaxed practice on a Friday afternoon. And that was great with me! I left that evening with a teachers-high that lasted into the night.

Mysterious Gifts

A couple of weeks ago, I received a mysterious gift! I had just finished talking to students after teaching a group yoga class, and I looked over to where my bag was and saw that a shopping bag from Anthropologie was sitting on top of it. I was astonished. There was a box inside, wrapped in a ribbon, with the gift tag shown above signed, “Your Student.” It wasn’t Christmas or my birthday, and I had received an anonymous gift!

I was reading The Education of Little Tree by Forrest Carter at the time. There is a part of the book that explains that the best way to give a gift, according to Cherokee tradition, is to just leave it for the person you are giving it to. So receiving the gift like this at this time had a tang of relevance it wouldn’t have had otherwise. So my mind reeled as I accepted the gift as mine.

Inside the package was an elegant spring sweater-top. A nice gift!

My mind enjoyed this thrill for some time. Then I let it go.

The following week in the hallway of my apartment building there was an empty basket outside of my downstairs neighbor’s door. It seemed like a metaphor. …Or a tradition I heard about once. So I went upstairs, into my place to choose a gift for the basket. I chose a beautiful hardcover book about birds with a bright pink cover. It was fun to run down the stairs to place my mysterious gift into the empty basket! At the time I didn’t connect this act of giving with the mysterious gift I had received the previous week. It was a spontaneous act.

Earlier this week, at the end of a class I taught, a student asked me if I had received the gift she had left for me a couple weeks ago. I was dumbfounded. Here was the giver of the gift! She was wondering if I had received it. I told her that I had, and that I liked it. “Thank you,” I said. And I found myself speechless to describe how wonderful it was to receive that gift.

Afterwards, as I was walking in the cool, high-energy, early-spring air outside, I felt high with the wonder of a mystery solved.

Thank you (I thought) for the mysterious gifts of nature. Thank you for my life, and the flowers, trees, and animals—all mysterious gifts!

Svadhyaya and the Art of Self-study

During a recent dinner conversation, a friend made a distinction between teaching and living through students that made an impact. Teaching conveys the tools of a given subject, but doesn’t dictate the usage of the tools. Living through students is happening when a teacher says, “do it like me,” or, “do it this way.” The example follows:

Imagine a painting teacher who teaches students exactly what colors to use, and how to move the brushes across the canvas so that the resulting works look like an extension of the teacher’s portfolio. And the teacher looks around and thinks, “Ahh, good, I am impacting the world.” In this case the teacher is seeing more of his or her self in the work of the students, and even living through them.

Now imagine an art teacher who teaches about the brushes, paints, and the possibilities of painting, allowing students to communicate themselves through their paintings. In this case the teacher would look around the room and see a community of selves in the resulting paintings, rather than mimicry of style.

To beginning yoga students as well as beginning painters it is appropriate to show a path, but the goal is freedom (in art as well as in yoga). How can we learn to live as true expressions of our selves, whether it is through art or through the way we live our lives?

In yoga philosophy, Svadhyaya, or self-study, is fourth aspect of Niyama.

There is risk in knowing yourself. What if you discover that you are fundamentally different from someone else when your friendship was predicated on feeling the same about things? Or what if you find out that you are very similar to someone that you had decided was an enemy?

Nevertheless, this is an important part of being an artist or yogi: knowing your self. How else can you express who you are?

Svadhyaya includes all the ways we can know our selves: as individuals, in relationship, as a species, as culture, as spirit.

Teachers: Are you teaching to empower students to know themselves?

Students: Are you living through the teacher’s practice, or are you learning to deepen your experience, and to find your own expression and use of the tools?