Traditional Spiritual Lineage is not right for Me because I'm Female.

Just as my female body contains a metaphor for creating new life, so also does my existence in the realm of spiritual pursuits require a creative act.

A benefit of yoga in the marketplace is that there are plenty of women leading the way; we are used to seeing images of beautiful women in advertisements so there is an ongoing potential for commercial success for svelte females in yoga.

But I recoil in shame when I consider what is coming across to consumers: perhaps that yoga cultivates commercially acceptable beauty, or that yoga is for physical fitness. Could it be that yoga is here to help us get laid? Come on... When commercial yoga panders to our insecurities, just like any other product for sale, doesn't that cheapen the potential? Or doesn't that cheapen our estimation of what we, as yoga teachers or yoga businesses offer?

As I read and study about traditional yoga I find myself filtering and editing as I read to try to include myself in texts that were written for male seekers. And I've done a pretty good job, having pushed through countless hours of reading about men in yoga. And I love men in yoga... But when it comes to conceptualizing a vision of my yoga path, the words that were intended for male seekers from earlier generations do not always hit home for me as a female yogi practicing and living in today's world.

And I've heard that there are a handful of obscure examples of traditional yoga that honor women. But, I really haven't seen any that I can identify with.

We don't even have a tradition here in the States, what we have is a marketplace, and what this requires of us as consumers is personal responsibility. Just like it's time for us to take responsibility for the oil we use, it's also time for us to take responsibility for the quality of our hearts and minds.

Maybe it's me. Maybe I struggle with being a female yogi who is not always sure where she really fits in. Maybe I should try to be thin and beautiful and perfect. Maybe you should buy into my yoga because you love my body.

This is what bothers me.

Yoga is about a union between consciousness and form, or the "inner" and "outer" worlds. If popular yoga is too focused on physical feminine beauty, are we ever going to break through to an authentic experience of spiritual depth? Are we ever going to pursue beyond our obsession with physical form and youthful beauty? Right now our "yoga" in most places seems to be right in line with commercial norms.

Yoga tradition intersects with the modern marketplace. And I think that we enter fantasyland when we try to ignore that. Even when someone has learned from a traditional source, what a teacher brings to his or her classes is what they know. It is always their account of that tradition or lineage, so teachers are actually creating as they are teaching.

But, our yoga does inspire questions such as mine, and perhaps that's enough for now. And maybe yoga has arrived in the marketplace at this time to remind us that we are more than consumers. We are human beings with hearts and spirituality, and we can be responsible for ensuring that our world can remain inhabitable and joyful, as well as profitable.

*simul-posted at Elephant Journal*

Welcome, Morning Malaise…

Just like giving birth can be painful and joyful, a morning malaise can yield useful realizations, and lead into a joyful day. So it is.

This is the thought I had upon waking today:
“Is maintaining life just prolonging the torture?”

Yikes! Where the heck did that optimistic little gem come from? Right?

Then I realized: “wait a minute…” And decided to look at it…

There is a technique that I like to use at the beginning of a yoga class. This past weekend I had an opportunity to use it. A student had just set up their mat, and I asked, “How are you doing?”

“I’m stressed,” she said and flashed an unhappy look.

To which I responded, “Welcome, stressed!”

To which she giggled!

I had major realizations today. It stemmed from the malaise I woke up with and cleared in my yoga practice. Just like a realization on a theatrical stage might come out of a fog, my foggy mood cleared to reveal something useful. It has to do with an awareness that entertaining negative thought patterns leads to real problems! I have acted in response to my own internal verbal abuse (harsh inner critic) and shut down where I need to energize!

I want to see of I can explain...

So it seems like the thoughts are just there. And I have been watching these thoughts like a scientist might watch the activities of cells in a Petri dish—with little interference. I admit that I have been fascinated with the process.

And I realized that to grow to another level of care for myself, that I have to do something because these self-defeating thought-streams are preventing me from fulfilling goals. “Oh, well, I’m going to die anyway,” is a pretty stupid thought that left unchecked can lead to some pretty irresponsible behavior.

I guess that I realized that I can watch my thoughts destroy the beauty I have in my life, or…

I really think that the way forward is to play the part of the welcome wagon for the macabre. I could say in my imagination, “Welcome, the one who is going to die anyway!” This is actually true. But, life isn’t about the death, it’s about what we can create and do during this time of blessing: this time where I am ALIVE.

So this morning I welcomed “the one who prolongs the torture (of being alive)”. This is a pretty depressed one. But this aspect of consciousness is not without hope! I say this because I also have the capacity to access the aspects of myself that feels that life is good now. And I recognize this negative bit as a figment from my past. And once I got going today I ended up having a really good day. I enjoyed the sun and yoga teaching and the ability to learn about myself in my practice. And I generated some good vibes with yoga!

I shared this in the hopes that if others have negativity showing up on the path to healing, that it can be okay. In fact it may be necessary to find the kind of psychological integration that is unflappable and able to help our world. And I've decided that I'm here for myself in all moods and stages of health. My care is not going anywhere.