Bad Little Yogi

I wrote about the twelfth paragraph of the introduction to Light on Yoga about a month ago, and I've been thinking about the thirteenth (below) ever since. I've been resistant to writing about it. At first I thought that maybe I just wasn't "evolved" enough to do it. But, that's so not the point of what I'm doing. I am writing my thoughts about these yogic concepts from where I am because that's what I can do. And I know that where I am changes. There are certain texts like the Bhagavad Gita or poetry that I revisit from time to time and I glean a different meaning every time. So it is.

But there were other reasons... Like I didn't feel like doing "assignments" I had set for myself. And I set myself free, had fun, and experimented with some more poetic expressions.

Also there is a tone I get from this paragraph that turns me off a bit--the first sentence makes me feel like a bad little yogi who must be kept under control--but I intend to look into it anyway:

"Yama and Niyama control the yogi's passions and emotions and keep him in harmony with his fellow man. Asanas keep the body healthy and strong and in harmony with nature. Finally, the yogi becomes free of body consciousness. He conquers the body and renders it a fit vehicle for the soul. The first three stages are the outward quests (bahiranga sadana)."
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, thirteenth paragraph of the Introduction.

I find the last sentence of the quote VERY INTERESTING. He considers Yama, morality and Niyama, self-discipline to be outward quests. Asana, posture, I can more easily see as an "outward quest". However, Yama, Niyama, and Asana do come together to give form to how we present ourselves to the world morally, mentally, and physically. I just haven't been used to thinking of it that way. I had been considering the world I see when I open my eyes to be the outer world (Asana easily fits there), and what I perceive when my eyes are closed to be the inner world (my mental world and sense of morality would seem to go there), but clearly this is not what is intended here.

So the first three stages of morality, self-discipline, and posture, together are the outward quests. Okay so if my mental world (that I used to think of as internal) is a part of the quest outward, then what the heck is inward? This is a real mystery. I've heard it described by a story about a guy standing on another's shoulders to see over a wall and he can't really describe what he sees. He just jumps to the other side.

From Melancholy to Movement

Not too long ago, I wrote about welcoming a morning malaise. Today I am doing that and I am welcoming it into the ring because I want to KICK ITS BUTT! And that might be my personalized form of abhyasa, or constant practice. Today it is my way to keep things moving. …because it is just this kind of morning and these kinds of thoughts that keep me from my yoga and keep me from my life. And I AM NOT rejecting this part of myself--please do not confuse this point--I merely intend to show this sulky, stubborn part of myself that it is time to move. And I will feel better because of this. I have heard it said before that people tend to be their own worst enemy. Well, I want to be my best friend. I want to be the friend that helps you out of bed when you are too melancholy to move. This can be a way of maintaining the constant practice that is mentioned in the following quote:

"The problem of controlling the mind is not capable of easy solution, as borne out by the following dialogue in the sixth chapter of the Bhagavad Gita. Arjuna asks Sri Krishna:
'Krishna, you have told me of Yoga as a communion with Brahman (the Universal Spirit), which is ever one. But, how can this be permanent, since the mind is restless and inconsistent? The mind is impetuous and stubborn, strong and willful, as difficult to harness as the wind.' Sri Krishna replies: 'Undoubtedly, the mind is restless and hard to control. But it can be trained by constant practice (abhyasa) and by freedom from desire (vairagya). A man who cannot control his mind will find it difficult to attain this divine communion; but the self-controlled man can attain it if he tries hard and directs his energy by the right means.'"
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, eleventh paragraph of the Introduction.

So we just have to keep at it. Yoga is an ongoing process. And it is never a static entity; energies and thoughts are always moving so constant practice is necessary to harmonize our yogic experience. Every day is unique... Even every moment is unique. The account from this morning (that I started the post with) is just one example of keeping things moving.

Never let the poses get stale or stagnant, either. Don't let the pictures in yoga books and magazines confuse you! Photographs make the poses look like they might be frozen, like a bronze sculpture. But yoga poses in practice are percolating with life, even when they are "held." Tune into your sensations to learn more.

A common notion that seeps into yoga, sometimes is: wanting to be "done." In this case we might get into a pose--thinking we are "done"--and just wait for a teacher or timer to let us know that it's time to move on. However, some yogis think that once we have gotten ourselves into a pose that it is only then beginning. 

There is always movement in life, and we can choose the direction. Choosing not to act leads to disorder, and doing something creates order. And in order to live a life I want I must act. There are things I have to do to contribute towards outcomes I'd like to see. The present moment is always making the next one, so my action now or my lack of action now strongly affects what comes next.

And I trust that the amount I can do is enough. Sometimes (many times?) it seems like there is so much to do that it is overwhelming. It is important to remember that when I am applying myself it is enough. If I am doing the best I can do it is enough. I do the right amount.

Philosophical Blog Recognition

As you may already know: this blog is mentioned in an article about yoga blogs by Lauren Ladoceour on page 85 of the August 2009 issue of Yoga Journal.  And now that I'm done practicing the restaurant scene from When Harry Met Sally and fetishizing the page with little hearts, silver balls, and arrows I'll talk a bit more about this incredible experience. I mean this is the first (and hopefully not the last) time that something I have done has shown up in such a big magazine. Wow! I'm still excited.

Here's the quote that mentions my blog, "Subjects range from the philosophical (brookshall.blogspot.com)..." Aaaah, my blog has been seen as philosophical, how great!

The traditional yogic texts like the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, the Upanishads, and the Bhagavad Gita offer tools to help us navigate our inner worlds--something we desperately need in troubled times, such as ours. The journey that being alive presents isn't always easy... Nor is it supposed to be. We live in a world of opposing forces, and our job (the way I see it) is to maintain balance in all this, and to do what is right even when it is not easy. The practice of yoga, and studying about it is a medicine for me. It helps me to be at home in my life.

I've been mentioning my inclusion in the magazine to students. Some of them have clapped, and everybody seems happy for me. I'm also sure that some are indifferent, and some colleagues are jealous. It's part of the richness of life that everybody expresses and reacts differently. So I'd like to thank everybody who is happy for me, and I want to thank those who are indifferent to my writing yet enjoy my yoga classes. I also want to honor those who react with sourness and resentment for those emotions have taught me so much about where I need healing, and helped to point me toward the work I need to do.

Offering the Fruits

“The Bhagavad Gita also gives other explanations of the term yoga and lays stress upon Karma Yoga (Yoga by action). It is said: ‘Work alone is your privilege, never the fruits thereof. Never let the fruits of action be your motive; and never cease to work. Work in the name of the Lord, abandoning selfish desires. Be not affected by success or failure. This equipoise is called Yoga.’”
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, sixth paragraph of the Introduction.

As an American, I was taught to value the pursuit of pleasure above all other experiences. It’s my God-given right. If it bothers someone else… So what? Right? What’s “mine” is mine! If I enjoy a product when that product’s production poisons other people and the animals and the environment, is that okay? Is it okay to eat factory-farmed animals? (See the movie, Food, Inc.  for more info about this industry. Beautifully produced movie with shocking revelations about how our food is produced. It also shows consumer choices making positive changes. Playing now at Landmark's Century Centre in Chicago.)

As I ponder: ‘Work alone is your privilege, never the fruits thereof.’ I realize that when I am focused on the fruits of my labor, I am primarily concerned with my belly, my pride, my security. My focus is on what can I get right now: instant gratification. I see my fruits, and I want them now! Focus on the fruits also leads to greed. If I want “fruits”—like money, sex, power, and food—I’m only looking for those rewards, without concern for anything beyond myself. And I want more for me!

Another perspective of work is to consider how what one does will affect one’s future self and future people. The things we do today will affect people we haven’t met yet. And when we are acting, taking into account our best understanding of how what we do affects others (including our future selves) we can do better things. Let’s create a beautiful healthy world, starting with our own bodies! Let’s create a loving compassionate world by listening to the concerns of others, and our own inner challenges! Lets do what we can do to make the world a better place!

The yoga of action is called Karma Yoga. It is doing things in line with that aspect of your self that cares. Sadly, we learn to turn that off when we get hurt. The path of yoga includes caring, even if that sense of your self has been so deeply buried that it must be excavated with special tools—yogic tools, heart tools. It is courageous to care. It takes the dedication of a warrior/warrior goddess to be true to one’s heart.

So this is where the art of writing almost fails. I am doing something now by writing this and sharing these thoughts. It comes from a sense of caring about the subject of yoga, and caring about communicating beyond my personal mindscape. I also believe that the seeds of positive change start inside, and when these seeds start to germinate there is an opportunity/privlidge/necessity to take these beautiful little seedlings into your hands and to plant them into the earth. It is time to take the positive change that you have imagined, and to make it real.

This is where I want to do better. I feel like I witness hundreds of deaths a day when I dream a happy dream about what would make life better, and dismiss it for something I “have” to do, or something I’m just used to doing. This is an old habit from the days when I used to feel powerless, but now I know that I can change my own life. And when I do there IS a larger effect. What I do for myself affects others. When I’m able to hear my own pains, I am able to be present to hear those of others. And this really helps. So I see my work as the work of a healer. And as I learn to heal myself I learn to help beyond myself.

Freedom from Pain and Sorrow

“In the sixth chapter of the Bhagavad Gita, which is the most important authority on Yoga philosophy, Sri Krishna explains to Arjuna the meaning of Yoga as a deliverance from contact with pain and sorrow. It is said:
‘When the mind, intellect and self (ahamkara) are under control, freed from restless desire, so that they rest in the spirit within, a (wo)man becomes a Yukta—one in communion with God. A lamp does not flicker in a place where no winds blow; so it is with a yogi, who controls h(er)is mind, intellect and self, being absorbed in the spirit within. When the restlessness of the mind, intellect and self is stilled through the practice of Yoga, the yogi by the grace of Spirit within finds fulfillment. Then (s)he knows the joy eternal which is beyond the pale of the senses which reason cannot grasp. (S)He abides in this reality and moves not therefrom. (S)He has found the treasure above all others. There is nothing higher than this. (S)He who has achieved it, shall not be moved by the greatest sorrow. This is the real meaning of Yoga—a deliverance from contact with pain and sorrow.’”
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, fourth paragraph of the Introduction.
**Gender inclusiveness added by me.

A few years ago I had a free session with a well regarded “healer guy” in town (I’m not sure what else to call him—a multi-modality psychic healer aroma therapeutic massage therapist new church energy healing minister approaches description.). So I went. The first time I went he had me waiting so long, I ended up in tears—I can’t really imagine why right now, but that’s what happened. He had just been chatting in the other room with his wife, and didn’t realize I was there, and the receptionist seemed to think that he knew and was coming soon. So I was in the waiting room listening to muffled laughter while stressing mildly(?) about making my next class on time. So maybe I SHOULD have been more suspicious. But he said that he was disappointed and sorry that he had stressed me out and offered me a second free session. And I went.

He had asked me if I wanted to be free of pain and suffering. And I said that I didn’t know because I was experimenting at that time with the notion that processing pain might be part of my purpose in this life. And if agreeing with his request were to take me away from my purpose, I wanted nothing to do with it. At that point I WAS suspicious that he might be practicing healing hokum. And I didn’t stick around for any more sessions.

Also there IS substantial legitimate scriptural evidence that someone can have a “deliverance from contact with pain and sorrow” as stated above. So what I think now is that while the physiology of pain in the body might not change, and situations that have the potential to cause pain might not change, what can change is our perception of how these events affect us.

In the past I interpreted this kind of offering (to be free from pain) as an invitation to escape. And it still could be. Like if you go to an MD for pain and come out with pain-killing drugs, which might be helpful, but doesn’t affect the underlying problem. You still have a problem—it just doesn’t hurt anymore…

So the question becomes: Can freedom from pain and sorrow look different from “numbing-out”?

I think a yoga student of mine is teaching me about this. This person has a degenerative disease, and while they have been doing very well there is evidence of the illness. It is a reality.

One day there was some talk—I was advising that perhaps it might be time to modify behavior to ensure physical safety in the wake of physical challenges caused by the disease. And the response was that this beautiful person didn’t want to give up their self to a disease. It made me think about how even the smallest gesture and utterance that a person makes is a cherished expression of who they are. In a situation like this there can be a fear of loosing one’s self and becoming the disease.

What is the option here? And isn’t this putting a story line to something we all face: loosing our selves to disease, injury or death?

The option I am able to see at this moment is the choice to live every moment to the fullest, to really wake up to the moments of one’s life, and not to settle for things you don’t really want. Most importantly, I want to use what resources I have: the amount of health, physical ability, and everything I can to express my love and gratefulness to be alive in this world. And even if I only had the use of one finger, I hope that I could let that finger move in expression of my unique being without hesitation or shame.