Am I a Rescued Chicken?

"Although the Siva Samhita and the Hatha Yoga Pradipika mention the period of time within which success might be achieved, Patanjali nowhere lays down the time required to unite the individual soul with the Divine Universal Soul."
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, first half of the 55th paragraph of the Introduction.

Over the last several years, step by step, I have been walking in the direction of myself. Prior to this part of my life I think that I was mostly buffeted around by the forces that delivered me to the moment where I could start to look for “myself” within all the activity of life. “What do I want?” has not always been a easy question for me to answer.

I remember this story I heard on NPR quite a while back. It was about some really nice-sounding people who allowed rescued chickens to live in their yards. I think one open-hearted lady was from New Hampshire. She said that when the chickens first come to a real yard with sunshine and grass they are confused. They have lived their lives up to that time in close confinement with other birds, and they are disabled because their legs are barely strong enough to carry their enlarged breast-flesh around. But the miracle is that over time they begin to see themselves as individuals, when at first the person being interviewed for the story had the sense that the chickens were unaware of themselves in that way. …something about the close confinement with so many other birds in the artificially lit or darkness of factory farming conditions… In a yard environment with caring human friends they began to show their individual, unique personalities and to enjoy their new lives. How inspiring!

This story stays with me because I wonder if I see a parallel with my own development here. Having been raised in a family and society of people with so much already in motion, I didn’t have a chance of understanding everything even though I tried to. And after a time I learned to look to myself to see what I wanted and needed out of life. I found environments, like yoga classes, that supported this, and started to feel happier even though it wasn’t always an easy road.

In the above paragraph from Light on Yoga, Mr. Iyengar talks about the individual soul being united with the Divine Universal Soul, which is of course a definition of Yoga. When I read this a part of me recognizes that I have just started to know myself! I think I have initiated a friendship with my soul, and that feels good.

It's been hard enough to try to see my own soul, but in yoga we are looking for a union beyond that, and when that happens we might find ourselves going for a real ride! Cluck! Cluck!

Devotion, Absorption, Dissolution

"Of even mind, capable of bearing hardship, wishing to perfect the work, speaking gently, moderate in all circumstances, such is the average seeker. Recognising these qualities, the Guru teaches him Laya Yoga, which gives liberation. (Laya means devotion, absorption or dissolution.)"
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, 52nd paragraph of the Introduction.

I am thinking of "liberation" here as referring to freedom from aspects of ourselves that are controlled by unconscious forces, sometimes referred to as "latent impressions". A latent impression (samskara) is a remnant of past experience that colors a person's perception of the current moment, and affects how someone responds now. Particularly harmful are the impressions left by psychological wounding.

For example if a father of a daughter can't give love, this leaves an impression on the daughter (or son, of course!). When the daughter was sick he bought her a magazine. When the daughter cried he left the room to go watch TV, or if she cried in the passenger side of the car he pretended not to see. When she was a teenager and came to him when he was a single parent and he satisfied himself by giving her money and stifled her speech with 'here's twenty bucks. now I'm going to get back to me and what I want to do.' All of these kinds of actions created deep impressions inside the daughter.

And how about if the father also said, "I love you," fairly regularly. Might this not skew the daughters understanding of love? It might. Might it also affect how she perceives men? It might...

This is an example of how a latent impression might get laid down in someone. It happens bit by bit with little things that happen all the time that teach about how things are. Let's say that the daughter in the above example has grown up. Eventually these interactions with Dad fade into the background and are not even consciously remembered by the daughter. But forgotten is not gone in this case. This woman finds herself simultaneously strongly desirous and highly resentful when it comes to the men in her life. She could feel pathetic, unworthy and super-needy at times. And none of these qualities are helpful if her aim is to be in a healthy relationship with a man. But the main point here is that these qualities (pathetic, unworthy and super-needy) are uncontrolled out-picturing from the latent impressions that were built into her during her childhood experience with Dad.

Yoga offers a solution for people who are living similarly to the above story with qualities that have been learned and forgotten through the normal process of life. These latent impressions keep a person trapped in a smaller version of themself, and prevent them from seeing clearly. For example the woman in the above story may never feel comfortable for long in a relationship with the man of her dreams until she can somehow heal her daddy-stuff that is taking her on an emotional hayride when it comes to her dealings with men.

Who is living your life? Is it you or your past impressions?

A Yogic Solution:
Devotion, Absorption, and Dissolution.

In Yoga there can be experiences of total Absorption and bliss. These experiences of a yogic high help someone by temporarily removing them from their pain. The woman in the above example might feel great relief from a yoga class, but she would probably find that the effects eventually wear off, leaving her in the "pathetic, frustrated and lonely" state once again. Nothing has changed deeply at this point, except for the fact that she has now experienced herself feeling SO GREAT. This might give her the hope that she was lacking before she found YOGA.

Devotion to ones Yoga is key to keep someone practicing, otherwise there is a whole world of distraction, for sure! Also Devotion to the knowledge that life doesn't always feel this heavy is helpful when one is in a rough spot. The memory of the experience of Absorption can serve as a helpful reminder to KEEP AT IT. Devotion to IT, or that which feeds you (I'm not talking about food here, but spiritual nourishment) is key to moving forward in daily life. So Devotion is the Yogic Process as seen from the perspective of daily life. We still live a daily life with all of the usual stuff, it just becomes infused with something good: YOGA! And Yogic Absorption is Blissful Removal from a sometimes toxic experience.

Dissolution is the dismantling of the latent impressions that hold us back from complete freedom in life. So there is a meeting point between Absorption and Devotion. Absorption is being completely in IT. Devotion is standing just outside and honoring space for IT. And Dissolution is the process of dismantling the unconscious hold of the latent impressions and moving more freely through life's experience, here someone is connected to IT yet also in the personal soul-space enough to release what is not true, personally. It's like a spiritual balancing point. When you're here the only thing you can do is watch it go. It's not a process that is under our conscious control. Dissolution breaks the unconscious bonds that unresolved woundedness fosters. So the woman in the story would be very fortunate to break the connection between love with a man and not getting emotional needs met. This is a self-defeating connection and it is false. Just because a girl has a father who connects love with material giving does not mean that all men operate in this way. So I conclude that the hurt caused from this early relationship does not have to apply to all future relationships with men. But, of course there is also an inner dynamic that is not so rational as a mind that might feel smart about figuring this one out. And Dissolution operates at the level of the irrational inner dynamic that controls our actions much of the time.

‘Man’ means “to think”

"The feeble seekers are those who lack enthusiasm, criticize their teachers, are rapacious, inclined to bad action, eat much, are in the power of women, unstable, cowardly, ill, dependent, speak harshly, have weak characters and lack virility. The Guru (Teacher or Master) guides such seekers in the path of Mantra Yoga only. With much effort, the sadhaka can reach enlightenment in twelve years. (The word mantra is derived from the word 'man', meaning to think. Mantra thus means a sacred thought or prayer to be repeated with full understanding of its meaning. It takes a long time, perhaps years, for a mantra to take firm root in the mind of a feeble sadhaka and still longer for it to bear fruit.)"
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, 51st paragraph of the Introduction.

Even though Mantra Yoga is advised for “feeble seekers” I don’t think that there is anything easy about it. So there is nothing “feeble” about Mantra Yoga itself, or about any human beings I know either. So I’m not going to talk about “feeble seekers” because I don’t think about people that way, except maybe myself on a bad day…

I think that we are all using mantras or thoughts to direct our experience whether we acknowledge it or not. Since Mantra Yoga is advised here for someone who is experiencing difficulty in life, I look at it as a first line of defense against the pains of life, and the fragmentation of mind.

What is your Mantra?

I think of a ‘mantra’ as thoughts I tell myself repeatedly. On a bad day my mantra might be, “I wish I was dead,” and on a good day it might be, “I love this!” What gives?? These are just thoughts that bubble up inside of me.

Repeated thoughts are powerful

It’s a good idea to watch your thoughts, because they make a real difference in how you move throughout the world. If I have evaluated myself as unlovable, or ‘nobody likes me’ it is going to affect my body language. I might make less eye contact, and avoid interactions with others who might like me, so I am likely to miss opportunities. And if someone is nice to me I might react inappropriately friendly, wordlessly saying ‘wow, it’s so amazing that you like me.’ When maybe I’m just likeable and so it’s really not such a big deal that SOMEBODY LIKES ME. Aren’t we all essentially likeable beings? I shouldn’t be so especially horrible that nobody likes me, right? Well, the mechanisms of thought are not rational in the scientific sense. Our thoughts spring up from how we feel and what we’ve been told—all that touchy-feely stuff.

So it could be time to tell yourself something good

If you listen to your daily brew of thoughts and hear some nasty stuff, it could be helpful to take action to interrupt the toxic thought-stream. You could try positive affirmations.

I have a teacher who’s really into this affirmation stuff. So I tried it for a while, and I found it helpful in a particular way. When I started to purposefully say positive things to myself over and over, I had a heightened awareness of how poor my inner messages were. It was as if my gentle messages of blessing to myself elicited an attack from my inner status quo of low self-esteem.

An example would be if I were to tell myself that ‘I am competent, loveable and wise’, and if what I believed about myself was that I was inadequate, unlovable and stupid. Well, bullshit! Total rejection and inner turmoil could result.

Prayerful thoughts can be helpful

I have found repeated messages of prayer to be more authentically helpful for me. In prayer I am opening up my inner world to something larger than my old thoughts, so there is more space for a fresh breeze of inspiration to enter my experience.

“Mantra thus means a sacred thought or prayer to be repeated with full understanding of its meaning.”

This is very personal. Finding words that are helpful at any given time could be as individual as you.

These have worked for me:

“You are not only you, you are also me. I am not only myself, I am also you. I should care to live for you, and you should be able to care for me.”
-Guru Nitya

“My work is to carry this love
as comfort for those who long for you,
to go everywhere you’ve walked
and gaze at the pressed-down dirt.”
-Rumi, as translated by Coleman Barks

Poetry can offer this kind of healing opening in the mindspace. I also like Mary Oliver, Walt Whitman and others.

Yoga: Physical or Spiritual?

"It is generally believed that Raja Yoga and Hatha Yoga are entirely distinct, different and opposed to each other, that the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali deal with Spiritual discipline and that the Hatha Yoga Pradipika of Swatmarama deals solely with physical discipline. It is not so, for Hatha Yoga and Raja Yoga complement each other and form a single approach towards Liberation. As a mountaineer needs ladders, ropes and crampons as well as physical fitness and discipline to climb the icy peaks of the Himalayas, so does the Yoga aspirant need the knowledge and discipline of the Hatha Yoga of Swatmarama to reach the heights of Raja Yoga dealt with by Patanjali.
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, 22nd paragraph of the Introduction.

Yoga: Physical or Spiritual?

There are as many paths to Yoga as there are people on the planet. So I recognize that what has worked for me might be experienced differently by someone else.

For me, the spiritual aspects of Yoga are essential. And a Spiritual Education has helped me through confusing experiences on and around my Yoga Mat.

About ten years ago (!) my mind and emotions were totally insnared in the yoga I was doing at the time. I was confused about why it was just so powerful. So I started finding books to help me understand. I wanted to find context for the intensity. I knew that Yoga was feeding me like nothing I had ever known before, but it seemed to contradict some notions I had held about myself until then. I, like many others, had thought that the mind and intellect were the most important things. If this was so then why was this experience of Yoga, grounded in the body, so fulfilling (I wondered at the time)? In fact, I remember feeling fearful and ashamed as I picked up my first issue of Yoga Journal magazine off the rack of the Borders bookstore on Michigan Avenue. I felt like I was buying pornography or something--it just seemed so body-based. I was an Artist and a lover of Ideas; I just wasn't ready to admit that I was also a BODY.

Several years ago I was confused about how much emotion I felt towards one of my Yoga Teachers in particular, but I also felt kind of loving toward all of them I practiced with. On Amazon.com I just happened to come across (as these things go) The Tree of Yoga, by B.K.S. Iyengar! This book really set me straight. It is a great primer of Yoga Philosophy. I think it saved me. There is a part of the book where it describes the relationship between teacher and student as intense, similar to the relationship with a spouse, or between parent and child. Reading this book let me know that I wasn't alone! Yoga is intense!

I think that I might be like a baby bird who has been lucky enough to be fed the partially digested info from Mr. Iyengar through his books--like a just-hatched birdie gets the freshly-upchucked nutriment from the belly of its mama.

In the above excerpt from Light on Yoga, Mr. Iyengar mentions the importance of physical and spiritual instruction, and how they can work well together. Physically, good instruction is clearly helpful as it can help us to move into and out of the poses safely. But, (guess what?) there is also a Internal Psychic Terrain that people who have gone there can also teach about and help with, and it can be accessed through the body.

Yoga includes the inner and outer world.

Margas... Different from Margaritas!

"There are different paths (margas) by which a man travels to his Maker. The active man finds realisation through Karma Marga, in which a man realises his own divinity through work and duty. The emotional man finds it through Bhakti Marga, where there is realisation through devotion to the love of a personal God. The intellectual man pursues Jnana Marga, where realisation comes through knowledge. The meditative or reflective man follows Yoga Marga, and realises his own divinity through control of the mind."
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, seventeenth paragraph of the Introduction.

So margas ARE more than just an affectionate term for "margaritas" but we still might get "drunk" along the way!

When I read this paragraph I feel like I recognize myself at the end: Ah! I am the reflective one (as recently recognized by a blogging friend), so yoga IS the right path for me. Go figure...

Even though I AM reflective which would indicate that Yoga Marga is right for me, I also lead a life of action in the world so Karma Marga also applies. And, God KNOWS, I can be ruled by my emotions (especially love) so sign me up for Bhakti Marga! And, yes (!), I do like the life of the MIND so Jnana Marga, too!

Maybe I can just have one of those HuMonGouS multi-flavored monstrosities at one of those Mexican restaurants, famous for their dangerous concoctions! Just give me a Marga-rita!

But really...

The Margas are PATHS that someone takes as they LIVE their LIFE! Perhaps it is like a way paved with different colored stones, depending on where we are at a given time. Surely, everyone is active in life! And who hasn't been brought to their knees with emotions? Haven't we all been turned on by thoughts? This would indicate an Intellectual Path. Also, we have the capacity to be reflective... Yeah, Yoga!

Ahem. (I think I'll have another...)

Okay, there is also a reminder of where we are all going: "to our Maker." We are on our way to Death. It appears to be True.

In consideration of our common end point, perhaps we should take seriously the paths we are on right now. And if I am ruled by my emotions, I can offer this toward my own interpretation of the divine--walking my Bhakti Marga. When I am doing my work in the world, I can offer it in service to the best I can perceive in that moment--stepping for Karma Marga. When I am in thought can I use this gift towards Jnana Marga? And when I am practicing Yoga, can I fully devote myself to this process, and standing tall on my Yoga Marga?

I think I'll cancel my drink order. This is enough. I do not require further intoxication. My love of this life is enough.

With love,
Brooks



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Profound Meditation

"By profound meditation, the knower, the knowledge and the known become one. The seer, the sight and the seen have no separate existence from each other. It is like a great musician becoming one with his instrument and the music that comes from it. Then, the yogi stands in his own nature and realizes his self (Atman), the part of the Supreme Soul within himself."
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, sixteenth paragraph of the Introduction.

What are the conditions for "profound meditation"? Concentration and openness are two aspects that stand out when I ask myself this question. The example of the "great musician" who is able to communicate authentically through the sound is noted above. The musician has become one with the instrument (something physically tangable) and he or she has become one with the music (something heard, yet ineffable). So in profound meditation it can be said that a person is one with physical reality as a person has been taught to experience it, and also one with an aspect of experience that is intangable yet able to be experienced.

I think of gifted musicians as being the most disciplined people. They seem to love what they do, and to love spending time with their instrument. The fingers of a great guitar player seem to move so effortlesly and skillfully. In a moment it can appear easy, but it might have taken years or a lifetime to get to this point of harmony and connection with the instrument and the sound.

I think that the same could be said for a person's life situation. To be in harmony and connection with life, we need to be disciplined: to really love what we do. As individuals we need to care enough and put in the time required to know ourselves effortlessly--like a great musician knows their instrument!

In this way who we are, reality as it is, and what we already know can become integrated, and we can live as happy, fulfilled, unique, creative, curious, and beautiful beings! I believe that this is what we are.

Be well.
-Brooks


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Soul and God

"Dharana, Dhyana and Samadhi take the yogi into the innermost recesses of his soul. The yogi does not look heavenward to find God. He knows that HE is within, being known as the Antaratma (the Inner Self). The last three stages keep him in harmony with himself and his Maker. These stages are called antaratma sadhana, the quest of the soul."
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, fifteenth paragraph of the Introduction.

When I read the word "God" in something like this, I translate it to mean almost a question. I don't believe that I can hold the concept that god represents for me. The concept of god covers the things I can't control and don't understand. God holds the mystery for me.

So when Mr. Iyengar says, "The yogi does not look heavenward to find God," I find myself resonating with this because "heaven" creates the image of a place that is somewhere other than here, and if God is in this heaven then I am in a place that doesn't have mystery, and I just don't buy that.

Dharana=concentration, Dhyana=meditation, and Samadhi=transcendence/bliss: these three aspects of the yogic process take the yogi "into the deepest recesses of his soul." Wow, the SOUL! It's one of those words... What can I do with this?

I think that my soul is part of the mystery of my life experience. My soul seeks individual expression through my life. Spiritually, I also think that there is a larger mystery than the soul that drives my existence. My soul has a color/flavor/essence. The larger mystery contains me, personally and everything and everybody else and things that don't exist in the world I know. The world is bigger than what I as an individual can understand alone.

So through Yoga, I can come to more deeply understand myself, and experience a connection with a sense of the great mystery that we are all a part of!

Sending love!
-Brooks


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Inspired by 'Light on Yoga'

Earlier this year I wrote a series of posts inspired by the first fourteen paragraphs of the Introduction to Light on Yoga by B.K.S. Iyengar. I started the project because every time I read the intro I thought that every paragraph just seemed so dense and powerful! The word "introduction" didn't seem to accurately describe the contents of that section to me; it seemed more like a treatise on the subject. So I thought that it might be fun to dig in and look at each paragraph and do a post about it. I continued through until paragraph fourteen, and then took a break from the project. Here are the links to those posts:

Posts inspired by the Introduction of Light on Yoga:

Paragraph 1 Defining Yoga

Paragraph 2 Where Yoga comes from

Paragraph 3 Who is a Yogi?

Paragraph 4 Bhagavad Gita: the most important authority on yoga philosophy

Paragraph 5 Different facets of yoga

Paragraph 6 Yoga by action

Paragraph 7 Skillful living

Paragraph 8 (part 1) Mind at rest

Paragraph 8 (part 2) Toward clarity

Paragraph 9 'chitta vrtti nirodhah'

Paragraph 10 The word vrtti

Paragraph 11 Controlling the mind

Paragraph 12 The right means

Paragraph 13 The outward quests

Paragraph 14 The inward quests

Intangible Yet Knowable

I like to think of myself as a tree. As a tree I am connected to the essential elements of existence. Through the roots I connect down deep into the earth, and through leaves I take in the sun's energy. I flourish as a tree. As a tree I turn inward to experience my internal flow. Water and nutrients come up through me (I feel this), and sun rays descend and bless me. I feel warmth coming in. Internal sensations are important to me as a tree. There's not much movement to distract me from deeply perceiving myself. People may come and hang around for a while, but then they'll be gone. And birds may raise their young and enjoy my branches, but they, too move on... I know that what truly sustains me is my relationship with the basics: earth, sun, rain, air, and spirit--or whatever sense of myself I have.

"The next two stages, Pranayama and Pratyahara, teach the aspirant to regulate the breathing, and thereby control the mind. This helps to free the senses from the thralldom of the objects of desire. These two stages of yoga are known as the inner quests (antaranga sadhana)."
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, fourteenth paragraph of the Introduction.

Going inward might offer the perspective of the tree. A person might see the impermanent nature of relationships with individuals, and see the value of our beautiful earth, sun, water, air, and have a fuller sense of the intangible yet knowable essence of "I".

Bad Little Yogi

I wrote about the twelfth paragraph of the introduction to Light on Yoga about a month ago, and I've been thinking about the thirteenth (below) ever since. I've been resistant to writing about it. At first I thought that maybe I just wasn't "evolved" enough to do it. But, that's so not the point of what I'm doing. I am writing my thoughts about these yogic concepts from where I am because that's what I can do. And I know that where I am changes. There are certain texts like the Bhagavad Gita or poetry that I revisit from time to time and I glean a different meaning every time. So it is.

But there were other reasons... Like I didn't feel like doing "assignments" I had set for myself. And I set myself free, had fun, and experimented with some more poetic expressions.

Also there is a tone I get from this paragraph that turns me off a bit--the first sentence makes me feel like a bad little yogi who must be kept under control--but I intend to look into it anyway:

"Yama and Niyama control the yogi's passions and emotions and keep him in harmony with his fellow man. Asanas keep the body healthy and strong and in harmony with nature. Finally, the yogi becomes free of body consciousness. He conquers the body and renders it a fit vehicle for the soul. The first three stages are the outward quests (bahiranga sadana)."
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, thirteenth paragraph of the Introduction.

I find the last sentence of the quote VERY INTERESTING. He considers Yama, morality and Niyama, self-discipline to be outward quests. Asana, posture, I can more easily see as an "outward quest". However, Yama, Niyama, and Asana do come together to give form to how we present ourselves to the world morally, mentally, and physically. I just haven't been used to thinking of it that way. I had been considering the world I see when I open my eyes to be the outer world (Asana easily fits there), and what I perceive when my eyes are closed to be the inner world (my mental world and sense of morality would seem to go there), but clearly this is not what is intended here.

So the first three stages of morality, self-discipline, and posture, together are the outward quests. Okay so if my mental world (that I used to think of as internal) is a part of the quest outward, then what the heck is inward? This is a real mystery. I've heard it described by a story about a guy standing on another's shoulders to see over a wall and he can't really describe what he sees. He just jumps to the other side.

Quest of the Soul

The soul is having a quest through my genetics and my flesh, my stories and my emotions, and my isolation and my relationships. There is a soul seeking expression through everything I identify as me. Yet the soul is not the same as the terrain that it is trying to inhabit. How can I make the terrain of my life in this world a place where something that is not a thing--a soul--can express whatever needs to be expressed? Very mysterious.

"The right means are just as important as the end in view. Patanjali enumerates these means as the eight limbs or stages of Yoga for the quest of the soul. They are:
1. Yama (universal moral commandments); 2. Niyama (self purification by discipline); 3. Asana (posture); 4. Pranayama (rhythmic control of the breath); 5. Pratyahara (withdrawal and emancipation of the mind from the domination of the senses and exterior objects); 6. Dharana (concentration); 7. Dhyana (meditation) and 8. Samadhi (a state of super-consciousness brought about by profound meditation, in which the individual aspirant (sadhaka) becomes one with the object of his meditation - Paramatma or the Universal Spirit)."
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, twelfth paragraph of the Introduction.

Patanjali outlines a plan for this soul-quest in the Yoga Sutras. Where does the eight-fold path lead? When I think of a path visually I see a way that has been described by others, like a dirt path through the woods (created by humans or perhaps deer) or a path of stones leading to a gazebo. But this is a different kind of path. It is only a "path" in the loosest sense of the word path. It is a journey that each of us takes alone. 

There is plenty of help along the way, though. There are others walking this path. So teachers and friends are of great help as we move along in life. But, I find that it isn't true for me to try to live through the choices of others. Mimicry is a way to learn, but through trying out the suggestions of others I quickly develop my own tastes, and a desire to express myself uniquely.

Action creates this path. Action offers new pathways into the mystery of mind. The more I do, the more I learn.  Action creates new possibilities in one's life. Just by making a choice and doing something to support it a unique experience unfolds. An experience that is about my choice. The soul is finding it's feet.

From Melancholy to Movement

Not too long ago, I wrote about welcoming a morning malaise. Today I am doing that and I am welcoming it into the ring because I want to KICK ITS BUTT! And that might be my personalized form of abhyasa, or constant practice. Today it is my way to keep things moving. …because it is just this kind of morning and these kinds of thoughts that keep me from my yoga and keep me from my life. And I AM NOT rejecting this part of myself--please do not confuse this point--I merely intend to show this sulky, stubborn part of myself that it is time to move. And I will feel better because of this. I have heard it said before that people tend to be their own worst enemy. Well, I want to be my best friend. I want to be the friend that helps you out of bed when you are too melancholy to move. This can be a way of maintaining the constant practice that is mentioned in the following quote:

"The problem of controlling the mind is not capable of easy solution, as borne out by the following dialogue in the sixth chapter of the Bhagavad Gita. Arjuna asks Sri Krishna:
'Krishna, you have told me of Yoga as a communion with Brahman (the Universal Spirit), which is ever one. But, how can this be permanent, since the mind is restless and inconsistent? The mind is impetuous and stubborn, strong and willful, as difficult to harness as the wind.' Sri Krishna replies: 'Undoubtedly, the mind is restless and hard to control. But it can be trained by constant practice (abhyasa) and by freedom from desire (vairagya). A man who cannot control his mind will find it difficult to attain this divine communion; but the self-controlled man can attain it if he tries hard and directs his energy by the right means.'"
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, eleventh paragraph of the Introduction.

So we just have to keep at it. Yoga is an ongoing process. And it is never a static entity; energies and thoughts are always moving so constant practice is necessary to harmonize our yogic experience. Every day is unique... Even every moment is unique. The account from this morning (that I started the post with) is just one example of keeping things moving.

Never let the poses get stale or stagnant, either. Don't let the pictures in yoga books and magazines confuse you! Photographs make the poses look like they might be frozen, like a bronze sculpture. But yoga poses in practice are percolating with life, even when they are "held." Tune into your sensations to learn more.

A common notion that seeps into yoga, sometimes is: wanting to be "done." In this case we might get into a pose--thinking we are "done"--and just wait for a teacher or timer to let us know that it's time to move on. However, some yogis think that once we have gotten ourselves into a pose that it is only then beginning. 

There is always movement in life, and we can choose the direction. Choosing not to act leads to disorder, and doing something creates order. And in order to live a life I want I must act. There are things I have to do to contribute towards outcomes I'd like to see. The present moment is always making the next one, so my action now or my lack of action now strongly affects what comes next.

And I trust that the amount I can do is enough. Sometimes (many times?) it seems like there is so much to do that it is overwhelming. It is important to remember that when I am applying myself it is enough. If I am doing the best I can do it is enough. I do the right amount.

Channeling the abundant resource of mind

I was talking to a friend I hadn't seen in a little while and she reminisced about how she had felt more focused when she had been practicing yoga. This paragraph from Light on Yoga provides insight:

"The word vrtti is derived from the Sanskrit root vrt meaning to turn, to revolve, to roll on. It thus means course of action, behavior, mode of being, condition or mental state. Yoga is the method by which the restless mind is calmed and the energy directed into constructive channels. As a mighty river which when properly harnessed by dams and canals, creates a vast reservoir of water, prevents famine and provides abundant power for industry; so also the mind, when controlled, provides a reservoir of peace and generates abundant energy for human uplift."
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, tenth paragraph of the Introduction.

This passage evokes the image of the mind in motion. These motions can have a positive effect if we can learn to harness the mind's power. It is like an energy generator... The generator can run by itself: just running to run. Or the generator can channel it's energy into powering something, like a house... Or maybe something grander like a peaceful society.

When seen in this way, living and allowing the mind to run, like obsessive rumination might be a terrible waste of fuel. But if we can learn to choose action, we might be able to do more than we thought we could. The practice of yoga becomes an imperative, and indispensable for someone who wants to focus in this way.

Staying in the mind without discipline is like being in a room that only has walls, and when we start to act on those good intentions doors start to show up.

Are we at the mercy of our minds? According to the teachings of yoga we are not. Through the practice of yoga B.K.S. Iyengar suggests that we can control this abundant resource and feel positive spiritual benefits from doing so. 

I think that yoga has the potential to help us make the world a better place--we just have to do it.

Mind Control

"In the second aphorism of the first chapter of the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali describes Yoga as 'chitta vrtti nirodhah'. This may be translated as the restraint (nirodhah) of mental (chitta) modifications (vrtti) or as supression (nirodhah) of the fluctuations (vrtti) of consciousness (chitta). The word chitta denotes the mind in its total or collective sense as being composed of three categories: (a) mind (manas, that is, the individual mind having the power and faculty of attention, selection and rejection; it is the oscillating indecisive faculty of the mind); (b) intelligence or reason (buddhi, that is, the decisive state which determines the distinction between things) and (c) ego (ahamkara, literally the I-maker, the state which ascertains that 'I know')."
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, ninth paragraph of the Introduction.

Merely limiting the second aphorism of the yoga sutras to "stilling the mind" or "cessation of the fluctuations of the mind" (as I have commonly heard it explained) can lead to a major misunderstanding, I think. In the above quote from Light on Yoga, B.K.S. Iyengar breaks down 'chitta' into three parts. Manas, the mind, or the storehouse of all the images and experiences is only one aspect.  Chitta also includes the aspect of mind that decides or judges: buddhi, and the part of mind that creates the concept we have of ourselves: ahamkara. The misunderstanding can come when we read it from a western mindset. After all, "I think therefore I am," (René Descartes) according to western philosophy, right? Thinking is something that I do. In fact "I" do not exist without thinking according to the western mindset. But according to yogic thought you are not your mind. And only identifying with the concepts you have about yourself is missing out on the full extent of who you are.

So, according to the simplified translation: if I quiet my mind, I might be there at the same time, enjoying my calm mind. It sounds safe. Okay I'm just going to hold my mind still, and I am having a major accomplishment, right? Well I think we are missing something if we read it that way. It might be a first step, but lacking fullness and definitely missing something.

Also the mind is something I have according to the western concept. And having implies ownership. An effect of seeing it this way is we might think that the mind is ours, as if someone bought and owned the rights to what they think. (Indeed, copyright law is an expression of this.)

So it might be possible to control the mind and quiet the thoughts, but it is still "me" that is doing this.

But if we look at what this chitta is that we seek to still, the part of that process that is "me", and the part that chooses is also quiet. So for 'chitta vritti nirodha' "I" cannot quiet my mind, because the "I" must be quiet, too.

Eyes Coming from Clarity

More on this quote:

"The Kathopanishad describes Yoga thus: 'When the senses are stilled, when the mind is at rest, when the intellect wavers not--then, say the wise, is reached the highest stage. This steady control of the senses and mind has been defined as Yoga. He who has attains it is free from delusion'"
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, eighth paragraph of the Introduction.

I wrote a bit about it here, and I could probably write a post about it everyday for the rest of my life and still be learning. So here's more:

Yesterday, I saw it from the perspective of "Meaning Making Mischief" and talked about how we use our minds in everyday, ordinary consciousness. In worldly experience meanings change: If I'm feeling good I might love you so much, and if I'm in a bad mood I might not appreciate you as much.

Another thing that might affect how I experience you is past experience. Maybe my friend told me that you tried to sleep with her, and you're already in a committed relationship. I might have an aversion to you based on what I heard. And it might not be based on the truth. Maybe my friend was desperately lonely and egotistical and came on to you and had framed the story in the way it was told to impress me, and to protect her wounded heart. Well... You know, things get confused.

But if I was seeing with eyes coming from clarity, what would the world look like? What kind of decisions would I be making in my day-to-day life?

What if I could look at the world without story-clouds obscuring my view of life and the people in it? What would happen if I could really see how my heart is wounded, and how it affects what I do and say? I wonder if I might change, and start to act from a place of greater clarity.

A possible route to greater clarity could exist in a regular practice (yoga) that helps us transcend ordinary consciousness for a bit of time that would allow for a moment of insight on returning to everyday life. I think this IS what yoga offers. In taking time to step out of the storm of ordinary, everyday, getting-things-done-and-covering-your-ass type of mentality we might come back to our lives with a fresh perspective. And if we do this often enough, some of the insight may gain enough power to persist and enable the confidence it takes to make a positive change.

Let's practice and see!

Meaning Making Mischief

"The Kathopanishad describes Yoga thus: 'When the senses are stilled, when the mind is at rest, when the intellect wavers not--then, say the wise, is reached the highest stage. This steady control of the senses and mind has been defined as Yoga. He who has attains it is free from delusion'"
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, eighth paragraph of the Introduction.

This quote is a description of an altered state of consciousness. The mind and the senses (which are usually preoccupied with earthly tasks) are quiet. And the intellect is not devoted to solving the world's problems here; it, too, is quiet. So what is here? What is this quote talking about?

This is a state that is not actively engaged in everyday tasks like buying the milk, getting the kids ready for school, or shopping for a new hair dryer.

This is a state of experiencing consciousness when we aren't trying to do anything or feel anything about the physical world. It is a state that is different than our ordinary waking state. We are experiencing ourselves in a way that has nothing to do with buying or owning anything. This is a way of being that might seem strange to us.

But I think it's worth looking into. It's a healing space. It's a space that is without words (as the mind and intellect are stilled). This is not a place to figure anything out, or make dinner plans.

So what's it all about? Why is it the highest state?

It is considered a valuable state because it gives us a break from lives of illusions and meaning making mischief, and is said to provide clarity and insight.

“Meaning” is a flexible concept. When something happens it might mean one thing to me, and then later in life it might mean something entirely different. For example when I was first getting into Ashtanga yoga in my late 20’s I told people I was doing it to get a “hot body”. And I can’t remember if I fully believed what I was saying—I think I did. Now I think that this hot and sweaty phase of my yoga journey was a clarifying one. So in a sense it was really about getting in shape and healthier. I wasn’t too far off the mark with what I was saying, except that saying I wanted a “hot body” implies that I wanted to do it to please others. When really this stage of getting fit helped myself.

Becoming strong in my body along with the stress relief that yoga brings led to confidence and happiness in myself that was it’s own reward.

Skillful Living

“Yoga has also been described as wisdom in work or skillful living amongst activities, harmony and moderation.
‘Yoga is not for him who gorges too much, nor for him who starves himself. It is not for him who sleeps too much, nor for him who stays awake. By moderation in eating and in resting, by regulation in working and by concordance in sleeping and waking, Yoga destroys all pain and sorrow.’”
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, seventh paragraph of the Introduction.

Only a person who is awake can do what is outlined in the above quote. I think it might be easier to act compulsively by overeating and overdrinking than it is to actually enjoy the right amount. A person has to be actively engaged in the activity to moderate it correctly. We can't just do what we did last time, always. Life lived in this way is on autopilot.

I have fasted. I have binged. I have gone without sleep. I have overslept. I have been a workaholic... So I guess you could say that I am the best (really the worst) person to respond to this quote. There is no halfway on this one for me because I'm the worst offender.

I hate boundaries and detest limits. I just want to run free. I don’t want anyone to tell me what to do! And yet I have also found parameters to be helpful. Like it’s nice to go to a yoga class where a teacher defines what we are doing in class. And in this definition some poses and actions must be left out—because yoga is so vast. So when it comes to my mind I don’t want limits, but as I live in space and time limits, choices and moderation are necessary to live life effectively. This ensures that we can get and give the right amount, instead of just waiting for whatever life might dish up for you. We can end up a bit lost with a passive attitude. Life is active. Life requires choosing. Life requires defining.

But, the above quote is a real bugger for me because I resist it. I mean, it certainly SEEMS like a good idea. But a part of me doesn’t want to moderate my activities. I just want to have fun. It is HARD to stop what I’m doing and say okay: what is the right amount? Is this the right thing? If I have a box of cookies in my house I want to eat them. I’m going to eat them eventually, anyway… So why not get them out of the house now.

I do best when I have a plan about what I am eating. When I do I don’t even have the cookies in the house. But when I’m listening to my craving—yep, I want those cookies. I want all of them.

Offering the Fruits

“The Bhagavad Gita also gives other explanations of the term yoga and lays stress upon Karma Yoga (Yoga by action). It is said: ‘Work alone is your privilege, never the fruits thereof. Never let the fruits of action be your motive; and never cease to work. Work in the name of the Lord, abandoning selfish desires. Be not affected by success or failure. This equipoise is called Yoga.’”
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, sixth paragraph of the Introduction.

As an American, I was taught to value the pursuit of pleasure above all other experiences. It’s my God-given right. If it bothers someone else… So what? Right? What’s “mine” is mine! If I enjoy a product when that product’s production poisons other people and the animals and the environment, is that okay? Is it okay to eat factory-farmed animals? (See the movie, Food, Inc.  for more info about this industry. Beautifully produced movie with shocking revelations about how our food is produced. It also shows consumer choices making positive changes. Playing now at Landmark's Century Centre in Chicago.)

As I ponder: ‘Work alone is your privilege, never the fruits thereof.’ I realize that when I am focused on the fruits of my labor, I am primarily concerned with my belly, my pride, my security. My focus is on what can I get right now: instant gratification. I see my fruits, and I want them now! Focus on the fruits also leads to greed. If I want “fruits”—like money, sex, power, and food—I’m only looking for those rewards, without concern for anything beyond myself. And I want more for me!

Another perspective of work is to consider how what one does will affect one’s future self and future people. The things we do today will affect people we haven’t met yet. And when we are acting, taking into account our best understanding of how what we do affects others (including our future selves) we can do better things. Let’s create a beautiful healthy world, starting with our own bodies! Let’s create a loving compassionate world by listening to the concerns of others, and our own inner challenges! Lets do what we can do to make the world a better place!

The yoga of action is called Karma Yoga. It is doing things in line with that aspect of your self that cares. Sadly, we learn to turn that off when we get hurt. The path of yoga includes caring, even if that sense of your self has been so deeply buried that it must be excavated with special tools—yogic tools, heart tools. It is courageous to care. It takes the dedication of a warrior/warrior goddess to be true to one’s heart.

So this is where the art of writing almost fails. I am doing something now by writing this and sharing these thoughts. It comes from a sense of caring about the subject of yoga, and caring about communicating beyond my personal mindscape. I also believe that the seeds of positive change start inside, and when these seeds start to germinate there is an opportunity/privlidge/necessity to take these beautiful little seedlings into your hands and to plant them into the earth. It is time to take the positive change that you have imagined, and to make it real.

This is where I want to do better. I feel like I witness hundreds of deaths a day when I dream a happy dream about what would make life better, and dismiss it for something I “have” to do, or something I’m just used to doing. This is an old habit from the days when I used to feel powerless, but now I know that I can change my own life. And when I do there IS a larger effect. What I do for myself affects others. When I’m able to hear my own pains, I am able to be present to hear those of others. And this really helps. So I see my work as the work of a healer. And as I learn to heal myself I learn to help beyond myself.

Multifaceted Yoga

“As a well cut diamond has many facets, each reflecting a different colour of light, so does the word yoga, each facet reflecting a different shade of meaning and revealing different aspects of the entire range of human endeavor to win inner peace and happiness.”
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, fifth paragraph of the Introduction.

Yoga can mean different things to different people, and different things to the same person at different times. It might be a workout, a way to de-stress, discipline, medication for an ailment, physical therapy, emotional healing, refuge, support for change, community, a psychic portal, etc.

One day a student of mine shared that she wanted to find her keys, when I had asked what she might like to get out of that day’s session. When I replied with a questioning look, she said, “Seriously, that’s what I’d like. They’ve been lost for two days and it’s very embarrassing.”

I said that I couldn’t promise anything, obviously… But I also left it open that it might come to her doing class. I could see that she was not grounded, the breath was shallow, and the mind was a-buzzing. There was a little stress around the eyes—a worried look. So our session included some quieting poses, held long enough to have a deep effect. There was a good amount of focusing on the breath, going inward, relaxing, and letting go.

At the end of the class I asked how she was doing and she said, “I think I know where they are.” And I got a call in under an hour after she had left saying that she had found them. Incredible, right? Out of a surprising request came a satisfying outcome.

What allowed me to go into this situation with an open mind was my belief that the answer was inside her, but it was somehow clouded by anxiousness and distraction. So I thought that perhaps if she could get quite inside that the answer would reveal itself to her.

When we quiet down the treasury inside is without bounds. We only have to ask the right question to discover what we need. It could be finding a lost object, or finding the solution to a life concern. The best answers come from inside your self. And the best friends help you to see that.

Freedom from Pain and Sorrow

“In the sixth chapter of the Bhagavad Gita, which is the most important authority on Yoga philosophy, Sri Krishna explains to Arjuna the meaning of Yoga as a deliverance from contact with pain and sorrow. It is said:
‘When the mind, intellect and self (ahamkara) are under control, freed from restless desire, so that they rest in the spirit within, a (wo)man becomes a Yukta—one in communion with God. A lamp does not flicker in a place where no winds blow; so it is with a yogi, who controls h(er)is mind, intellect and self, being absorbed in the spirit within. When the restlessness of the mind, intellect and self is stilled through the practice of Yoga, the yogi by the grace of Spirit within finds fulfillment. Then (s)he knows the joy eternal which is beyond the pale of the senses which reason cannot grasp. (S)He abides in this reality and moves not therefrom. (S)He has found the treasure above all others. There is nothing higher than this. (S)He who has achieved it, shall not be moved by the greatest sorrow. This is the real meaning of Yoga—a deliverance from contact with pain and sorrow.’”
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, fourth paragraph of the Introduction.
**Gender inclusiveness added by me.

A few years ago I had a free session with a well regarded “healer guy” in town (I’m not sure what else to call him—a multi-modality psychic healer aroma therapeutic massage therapist new church energy healing minister approaches description.). So I went. The first time I went he had me waiting so long, I ended up in tears—I can’t really imagine why right now, but that’s what happened. He had just been chatting in the other room with his wife, and didn’t realize I was there, and the receptionist seemed to think that he knew and was coming soon. So I was in the waiting room listening to muffled laughter while stressing mildly(?) about making my next class on time. So maybe I SHOULD have been more suspicious. But he said that he was disappointed and sorry that he had stressed me out and offered me a second free session. And I went.

He had asked me if I wanted to be free of pain and suffering. And I said that I didn’t know because I was experimenting at that time with the notion that processing pain might be part of my purpose in this life. And if agreeing with his request were to take me away from my purpose, I wanted nothing to do with it. At that point I WAS suspicious that he might be practicing healing hokum. And I didn’t stick around for any more sessions.

Also there IS substantial legitimate scriptural evidence that someone can have a “deliverance from contact with pain and sorrow” as stated above. So what I think now is that while the physiology of pain in the body might not change, and situations that have the potential to cause pain might not change, what can change is our perception of how these events affect us.

In the past I interpreted this kind of offering (to be free from pain) as an invitation to escape. And it still could be. Like if you go to an MD for pain and come out with pain-killing drugs, which might be helpful, but doesn’t affect the underlying problem. You still have a problem—it just doesn’t hurt anymore…

So the question becomes: Can freedom from pain and sorrow look different from “numbing-out”?

I think a yoga student of mine is teaching me about this. This person has a degenerative disease, and while they have been doing very well there is evidence of the illness. It is a reality.

One day there was some talk—I was advising that perhaps it might be time to modify behavior to ensure physical safety in the wake of physical challenges caused by the disease. And the response was that this beautiful person didn’t want to give up their self to a disease. It made me think about how even the smallest gesture and utterance that a person makes is a cherished expression of who they are. In a situation like this there can be a fear of loosing one’s self and becoming the disease.

What is the option here? And isn’t this putting a story line to something we all face: loosing our selves to disease, injury or death?

The option I am able to see at this moment is the choice to live every moment to the fullest, to really wake up to the moments of one’s life, and not to settle for things you don’t really want. Most importantly, I want to use what resources I have: the amount of health, physical ability, and everything I can to express my love and gratefulness to be alive in this world. And even if I only had the use of one finger, I hope that I could let that finger move in expression of my unique being without hesitation or shame.