Thursday, March 3, 2011

Let's say that March 2011 is my last month to live…

How would I live it?



(It's a prompt from #reverb11)

The good thing about a question like this is that it can bring a sense of immediacy to life choices:

Wow! I'm going to live important things now!

is a possible revelation from this kind of inquiry…

Or someone might stare in the face of their own irrelevance: What can I accomplish in one month that could make a positive impact on the world?

I think the question can also imply that the future is a burden. So if our lives were shortened things would get easier! And I think that I'm over that perception of life.

I have mixed feelings about this exercise because I've already spent years of my life between two similar self-messages:

Message 1. "I wish I was dead." I have discovered that this is a fearful child response to life (for me). It had no thrust behind it for a real suicidal threat. So I know that I don't really wish I was dead, I just sometimes wish that things were different than they are.

Message 2. "I'm going to die, anyway." This response to life allowed me to be really irresponsible, at times. I could ignore responsibilities because I was going to die anyway, so what did it matter?

So I've actually come to an understanding of life that works best if I live as if I had a future, rather than living as if my death was near—even though either one can be true at any time.

I think this is partially because I see that in cosmic time our actions do continue to affect our communities whether an individual continues to live or not. My grandparents continue to live on in me even though they are no longer in those bodies. Their actions continue to affect me. My actions affect the people in my life. I want my actions to be good and helpful because I see that they live on.

I live as if I'm a living being because I am alive, and that way has proven to be a more successful way to go. It also makes more sense to me than living like I'm dying (even though I am-nobody lives forever in these bodies!).

So here's my response:

Glad, grateful, loving
is how I take my next breath,
And forward from here.




4 comments:

lilasvb said...

good post, i like your yogabutterfly

Rebecca said...

OH thanks so much for writing this- I received this prompt and was "flekempt" for many of the same reasons you put so eloquently here.

Meredith LeBlanc said...

I got this reverb and I thought if I had a month to live I'd do nothing different, I'd live to live like you.

Love & Blessings to you my friend!

Claudia said...

You touched me deeply with this post. "My grandparents continue to live on in me even though they are no longer in those bodies"

That right there did so much in me as I read it.

No matter what we do we have an effect, your post brings this home.

I like the gratitude, my two cents, I want to be true to my spirit.

Thanks for this beautiful post