Harmful Thoughts

I fool myself when I think that my harmful thoughts about myself don't affect the way I move in the world.

"Trying to fix the world is like trying to change a movie by manipulating the movie screen. The world as we know it is simply a screen onto which we project our thoughts. Until we change those thoughts, the movie stays the same."
- Marianne Williamson, 'The Gift of Change'

I give myself permission to neglect others when I neglect myself. And I give myself permission to hate others when I hate myself.

The opposite is also true: When I am loving myself I am also loving the whole world.

I think I just watched a young-cutie Starbucks barista experience this:

I ask him, "How are you doing?"

He answers, "Over-worked and under-paid."

I find myself questioning whether I should bother him further, but I know that he just gave me his honest answer because he feels familiar with me.

So I order.

And he proceeds to spill the hot beverage onto his hand.

I said something stupid like, "Oh please don't do that. You are just torturing yourself. I heard what you said about how you're feeling right now."

He got a bit perturbed. Not only was he already feeling put-out by his job, but then he burned his hand, and I'm pointing out the whole situation to him.

At the end of our transaction, I said, "Be well." And as I walked away I found myself questioning again my support of this experience. It did seem to give a real time example of how when we are already in a bad mind state things only seem to contribute to that feeling of "having a bad day."

Doesn't this kind of thing happen all the time?


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Celebration of Cells

I have the celebration of cells in my body to help me go forward when news is difficult.

This morning I woke up to the news of a gang rape that happened to a young girl leaving a homecoming dance and a suicide (via Svasti). I know I'm not the only one that woke up to troubling news today.

I no longer use my yoga as an escape to an imaginary beautiful place that removes me from the pains in life—in essence walling me off from the world. I am integrating spiritual practice as a way to step forward in troubling times. So I don't use yoga to escape, but to connect.

I have taken notes from Seane Corn who watches the news in the morning before she practices yoga (I heard her say this at Kripalu.). Some yogis wonder why she would do this: How can you watch news before you practice when the news carries so much violence, suffering and tragedy (and isn't yoga about love and healing?)? Well, what I got from her is that that’s just the point. We are here to heal this world (if you choose that path), not to escape it.

I have the blessing of my breath when times are difficult. I am grateful for the opportunity of my life. I can use this body and mind and strength to do something that helps.

This news about the Homecoming dance gang rape deeply disturbs me. I was once 15 years old; I went to a homecoming dance. I was incredibly naïve, and might be only a little less-so now. Particularly harrowing is that some of the people involved were one-time friends, it sounds like they were drinking together. I know when I was a teen that we would go to places without adults around and drink. This is a horrible crime that happened in the shadows on school grounds.

Also, stories about suicides must be getting lost because, a few months ago, I was at a rally in support of health care reform, and one of the speakers said that there are more suicides than murders in the state of Illinois per year. I hear about murders in the news, but not suicides. Why don’t we seem to care about the cultural climate that contributes to people wanting to kill themselves? I do.

I also personally connect with this subject of suicide. For so many years I heard in my own mind: I wish I was dead. Now with me, I felt so powerless that I did not move forward or really even consider real-world plans to do something about those thoughts. Even though that’s true, I credit yoga with saving my life, because my inner world is so much healthier than it used to be and I am more empowered as a result. Even if I occasionally hear the old sadness, I don’t believe it in the same way I used to. I know that I have experienced despair, and that I am stepping forward through healing and love.

There is a silent chorus supporting me in the cells of my body.

Incredible Post Alert!

This is the first paragraph:

"It is a good time of year for me to remind you about the true meaning of parenting. I first began sharing this poem when I was providing Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) trainings in hospitals around San Francisco. My baby, Chloe, died in June of 1999 and local hospitals and healthcare providers were not educating parents regarding the Back to Sleep program, which reduces the incidence of SIDS by 50%."

Here's the link to the rest:
Speak to us of Children

Anna Yaya is doing what I strive to do. With my whole heart, I want to be open to seeing how the losses in my life might teach and empower me to serve a greater good.

Bless you, Anna Yaya! You show me that it can be done.


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Seane Corn Interview

This Speaking of Faith interview with Seane Corn blows me away. The free Podcast is wonderful!

Many readers of this blog know that I recently took a couple of programs with Seane Corn at Kripalu. I also wrote an entry for this blog every day I was there: October 9, October 10, October 11, October 12, October 13, October 14, October 15, October 16.

Seane Corn is doing great work as a yoga teacher, and great work in the world. In the past I've been wary of groups. I wasn't really a joiner, thinking I was either too unique or too screwed up to really be accepted anywhere. And I thought that for someone to be really popular that it would be necessary for information to be dumbed down for mainstream audiences. But meeting this super-popular media star yogi calls into question the stereotypes I was carrying. She facilitates an incredibly powerful yoga experience. You gotta check out this Podcast--if you're curious.

Something New!

Sometimes I just want to throw my hair back and step into something new! Maybe not so gracefully done... But in a very specifically human way. And with my heartfelt zest! Yes! It could be interesting to step out of the usual ways. It also can be scary without the usual things to hold on to. But really maybe change can be better and much gentler and kinder than my imagination projects. And it's the kind of thing that might not change things much in the eyes of those around me, but for me it might be huge!

What if I were able to forgive the old grievance? Wouldn't that make a big difference in how I might step into tomorrow? And those around me might hardly notice such a thing. What if I could forgive myself for feeling that my existence on the planet was unworthy from childhood and into some of my adult years? Wouldn't that make a huge difference? And no one might know. Such big transformations can happen deep in someone's being! Be alert!

There is so much we don't know about one another! It's always amazing to sit down and talk to someone you think you know and find out something new. Such it is in a truly lived life. Find out what is going on in those around you that you think you already know. Life is not as boring as people think sometimes...

Beyond Ordinary Time

Today I am posting a beautiful letter that I recently received:

Dear Brooks,

I'm writing to thank you for the beautiful yoga class you taught while Larry and I were visiting Chicago and staying at Ruby Room. The trip was a combination vacation/birthday celebration and your yoga class felt like such a gift to me, especially since it happened to be my 50th year of life!

The time we spent with you seemed to separate us out from ordinary time and I loved the sequence of asanas you chose. Yoga is so enlightening in its ways of bringing out what is really going on inside us. Your class was a real highlight of our trip and I am so grateful that our visit included meeting you. I will always remember this birthday as being particularly special due to the class I got to take with you.

You are a very bright and articulate young woman. I hope you will keep the joy you exude alive in all stages of your life because the world is very much in need of the kind of gift you have to give. Thank you again for sharing yoga so beautifully with us.

Love and Light,
Tirzah Blackman


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Bunny Shame

My bunny was rescued after abandonment. His under-side was completely matted. The vet said that it was because he had been confined in a wet cage. Fritter is a trooper!

When he came to me he still had some matting around his private areas, even though my friends who took him in first had taken great care of him--some of it just had to grow out! I remember wondering about his personal hygene. He seemed to avoid the mats in his fur, so I wondered if he would clean himself "down there." Over time he did more and more as the matted fur came off. He now takes great pride in his cleaning and grooming, really enjoying his whole body. I am so happy for him!

When I told the story to an insightful animal-loving pet owner yogi, I remember her compassionatly commenting, "Isn't it something, that animals can have shame."

I said, "What?" And it wasn't just because she had spoken softly--my mind was being softly blown. It was also the way she said it. With such knowing and sadness... A world-weary and motherly understanding that seemed to come right from the center of the earth... My bunny had known not only cruelty and neglect, but he had also known shame.

And while I knew the word "shame" at the time (it was a few years ago), I had not a clue of what it really meant--even though I was unknowingly carrying a TON of it. So my bunny and my friend were the ones who gently brought my attention to the concept of shame, and how shame can work unconsciously through our actions to avoid pain whether you are lagomorph (order that includes rabbits) or human.

Having observed my bunny-teacher I might see it like this: Fritter has a delightful demeanor; he is always sweet, and never aggressive. So when he was uncomfortable he would simply enjoy everything else about his life that he could. He didn't worry his problem... Instead he enjoyed his food and petting and exploring and lots of chewing, chewing, and more CHEWING! And lo and behold (I remember going in for a VERY STRATEGIC bit of hair removal!) one day there was like the best gift that Fritter found! And from that day onward he took great joy and pride in taking care of HIS WHOLE BODY, as well as continuing to enjoy all of his other joys, including his friend, Fawn who came into his life a little later...

So if I look to my bunny-sattva for wisdom, I think that he would tell me not to worry the things in my life that might be preventing me from fuller joy and pride. He might say that these things will take care of themselves. In time it could be natural that I will revel more fully, actively engaging all parts of my being, even if I am somewhat limited now... He would tell me to do all the things I can do, and to enjoy everything I can. And to TEAR SHIT UP! (He loves doing that!)


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