Saturday, December 4, 2010

Changes I'd like to see.




Discipline December (so far) hasn't really moved past the planning stage. I'm sorry to report this because I'd like to close my eyes. …then open them again and have everything performing according to a fantasy of self-perfection.

I think I need to deeply understand my reasons for making these changes.

My life is somewhat comfortable and safe so a part of me that is used to the usual routines doesn't want to make the changes that the team leader aspect of my personality wants to make.

For example: It's nice to sleep in. But I've been telling myself that it would be helpful to get up a bit earlier to make steps towards the dream me or the dream life I'd like to create.

Comfort seems to get in the way.

My dream for Discipline December is to create a Container for Success through a specified schedule that I believe will help me to clarify my mental and physical space.

Opening up my time, according to a plan might function like a blank piece of paper that I might fill with conscious activities, instead of automatic habits.

What I want from this added clarity is movement. Movement towards financial health, relationship health. Health (personal).

What I want from health is the ability to reach out beyond my small concerns, which seem big to me. But I believe that if I can break through my obsession with myself then I can be a more helpful entity.

I want comfort and pleasure to take more of a back burner as I explore the more structured terrain of discipline.

See, this is what I'm telling myself, but when it gets right down to it I tend to just want the simple pleasure, a pleasant distraction, of which there are so many. And sometimes it's hard to find a good reason not to do the simply pleasant thing when I'm in the moment.

Except: I'd like to test out an idea. I'm irritated because I want to give an idea a chance, but it's just hard to get it going. And my idea does include things that I find pleasurable. So I'm definitely not anti-pleasure, so please don't get me wrong: I'm into it.

I just want to add more discipline and adherence to a new schedule for 6 weeks.

I think it might help me to wake up in my life to break my comfortable routines.

I think I'm sleepy in my life because things are not just the way I'd like, and I do not (or haven't up to now) see(n) sufficient effort being applied toward the changes I'd like to see.

What I'm asking of myself is not easy, but I'd really like to give my idea a chance. I'd like to give this idea 6 weeks just to see if when I change my use of time according to a chosen schedule, I might also see meaningful, effective changes that speak beyond the details of an arbitrary schedule choice.

* I've shared this just in case someone else might have experienced something similar. Perhaps a like-mind will read this. And I plan to let readers know how it goes to the capacity of my courage and desire to share. *

Thanks for reading!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

1 comment:

Janice said...

Discipline December sounds ambitious! I admire your resolve!! I hope the discipline is loving and kind! :)

Here are a few thoughts on what you're undertaking and how it might move forward. (Love to give this advice . . . )

First, it sounds like you're trying to tackle multiple goals. This can be tricky and difficult. Is it possible to take on the one really big one first? Or the tiniest one first, to get momentum? Also, each goal needs to be broken down into sub tasks -- sounds like you're doing this through your planning. Second, what is your intention for each goal? So you can set that out each evening before bed, each morning upon waking, each time before yoga, each time before meditation. Finally, have you visualized (and I mean REALLY visualized your end result.) Can you see, in your mind's eye, you in this "new" place, you having accomplished the goals of Discipline December. (Personally, I'm partaking of survival December, but enjoying its challenges as well.)

And, hey, maybe some days you really do need more sleep.

Go with your heart.