Blogging is a life-enhancer!

Instead of talking about my resistance and impression of deep change inside myself about turning 39 this week, I think I just want to talk about my realizations about how my online life is really coming into my reality in many beautiful ways.

The other day I was playing some beautiful music I learned about at the internet home of Anthroyogini, and was talking to yoga students before class and enjoying the music and thought about what a cool convergence the moment held. I felt myself expanded and inclusive of someone I’d never met in person from Australia, and musicians from the same place, as well as me and the students, too.

Ohhh-kay, maybe I’ll gripe a little… (This reminds me of Dr. Jay over at Yoga for Cynics...) I'm struggling a little bit with having turned 39 this week... And in reality I think that even this struggle is good because it has to do with disregarding my illusions of what I think life is like, and embracing my life as it is. At this point, there is no fantasy to hold on to. I have enjoyed my fantasies, though. What an exciting part of experience to see yourself imaginatively as being totally satisfied with the partner of your dreams, and having a perfect fantasy life that fulfills cultural expectations and so on…

And recently I’ve been reading some poetry to students from the book ‘Go In and In’ by Danna Faulds that I found out about during a chat over at the Namaste Book Club. When I give voice to those words I am also aware of the people who shared this book with me, who of course (it’s not so strange that) I haven’t met. But we learn things about each other that words can tell.

I am realizing that I had some pretty strict rules about what I wanted to have happen during my 30s. The thought of having a child with someone wonderful was definitely one of the guiding forces pulling strings from the background. But I’ve been listening to the audiobook of ‘Hot, Flat and Crowded’ by Thomas L. Friedman, and since the human population is getting so huge maybe I can be okay with helping the people who are already here in whatever ways I can.

Earlier this year I went to a workshop with Rusty Wells. It was Michelle of The Devil Wears Prana who raved so much about his teaching that brought me to that valuable experience. And I just signed up for a workshop about Shadow Yoga. It was Svasti's experience with this form of yoga that piqued my interest.

The ending of my third decade of life seems to merit some grieving, and I’ve felt a bit of sadness…

It also added a totally new dimension to my experience of the sometimes BlissChick, Christine to actually meet the real flesh-and-blood and beautiful spirit person. When we met she explained that she was not always a BlissChick. Sometimes she is also a real PissedChick, and all the other real human emotions. Our in-person conversation led me down a road of self-discovery that has literally changed how I understand myself, leading to a sense of deeper integration and balance in me. I can’t thank you enough, Christine!

I also accomplished something amazing during the three and zeros: I have found myself. This is an incredible accomplishment, and might not be easy to explain… It isn’t something I could have understood before I did it. But I allowed the space for me to understand myself. Yoga, of course, helped tremendously. And the people I met through yoga have helped in direct ways and also by helping me point my sensibilities in a direction so I could find my own tools to learn about myself. This means that I have sat with all of the uncomfortable (and ecstatic) emotions inside myself that I could. And through this process I have learned to accept and love parts of myself that I never would have even looked at before…

And, of course, there are many other beautiful bloggy souls who have been my companions along the way. Thank you, Readers and Commenters!

I would be totally amiss if I didn’t mention the profound effect that blogging in my thirties has had on me! This cyberspace has offered me a place to find my voice by using it. It has also offered me opportunities for community and support that have helped me to accept myself beyond what I might have thought was possible, before. Just that I can share my thoughts and find out that people resonate with what I am saying has been such a boon for my sense of worth. I am not alone, and I know it! Yeah!

Grateful for Technology

This day seemed radically shorter and I'm grateful for technology. This gratefulness has come after some iPhone problems...

On Saturday night my iPhone died. Nada. Kaput. After several attempts at revival, I told myself that I might enjoy the quiet this event could allow. I had a plan for going to the Apple Store the following day. It would be fixed then, I thought. ...and I wasn't bothered after that. So easy, it seemed: no iPhone for a while.

Well, on Sunday I arrived full of hope at the Apple Store on Michigan Avenue. Several cute guys tried to help me. However, my iPhone was really dead, and the technicians were booked all day and there were already several people standing by just in case someone didn't show up for their appointment. And I was scheduled to teach yoga that afternoon. So I did what I could do. I made an appointment for today during a break between classes. But not before I freaked a little. When this adorable man told me what was up I was truly crestfallen, and was somewhat horrified when tears came to my eyes. I just looked up at him and said, "I'm freaking out. I'm sure you understand... I'm out of COMMUNICATION." He left to see what he could do, and I thought about how manipulative that might have looked. Eventually he came back just to let me know that the situation stood, and I was okay. By then I was composed, and thanked him for his help.

When I was a couple blocks away I wondered how this break in communication might be a blessing for me. And thought I'd just have to find out.

This morning I rode the Ravenswood Brown Line to go teach, and I just sat there. It was dark on the way to my 7am yoga session. This is the time I usually do a blog-related activity on my iPhone, either contributing to my own blog or reading what others have written, and perhaps commenting. And I realized that my life was a little better with the iPhone. There are pockets of time in my day when I am out and about between classes that I enjoy working on my iPhone. It's great for me.

Today when I was in the store waiting for my appointment I ran into a yoga teacher friend, and she sat down and we talked until I had to go for my iPhone. They gave me a new one. It works perfectly in the old case! With information it can work this way... It's not the individual machine that is important, what's important is that the information gets passed on. And I thought about how true that is.

As I age it seems like I am constantly being delivered a new body, but what's important is that "I" keep living, and continue exploring this experience openly. Somehow I am the same person, held together by my memories, but there are times when I feel totally new and very different from the person I once was. Maybe I got a software upgrade... Or maybe I just really like my iPhone.

Technology and Breasts

Last night I was recharging my iPhone and I looked to check for emails about my blog and it was totally blank! I've had this little miracle for just a couple of months, but you might think that it was a vital organ by the way I was trying not to freak. I pressed the little button to wake it up, and all I got was the blank stare of a white screen! Was my lifeline in a coma? It had not fallen so it could not have been the dialated pupil of a concussion. I just plugged it in for it's nightly nourishment and it was over the next time I looked.

It was sort of like I lost a boob. I associate compassion and warmth with breasts, and I had temporarily lost something that was feeding me. I have thought about what it might be like as an infant receiving food from the cosmic breast. In the early feeding Mom has not been conceptualized yet, and there is just this wonderful experience that meets a need.

I have even been blogging from my iPhone. It feels so much more intimate doing entries from here than it does on my laptop. And I can manage comments from my iPhone... You got it: my iPhone, my iPhone.

So last night when it was out I was distressed and resisting that feeling. I did other things, like I showered and then I checked my iPhone. I kept doing that: I would do a little thing and check my iPhone. I checked the printed stuff that came with it and found nothing to help. Then I started pushing buttons until I heard some strange beeps I had not heard before. Then I did something else. Finally, I looked at the THING and pressed the buttons a little differently and the apple showed up on the screen: my nourishment was coming! And then after a long pause the screen showed what it usually does, and it looked like everything was fine. So far so good...

Am I proud of my behavior? No! I felt like an addict. I was unwell without this functioning communicator.

And yet it's here. It fulfills a need. ...like a cosmic breast. Communications that come through this darling little interactive and glowing mini-brick fulfill my need to be heard and recognized for thoughts that don't always work in everyday conversation. These things are important to me! And through the blog and the comments I know that there are others who value these things too.

I guess what bothers me is that I might be suckling in ignorance. But hey, it works!

Okay, so the fear is that I am using a technology that is leading people into further physical isolation. Of course, at the same time our digital connection is getting stronger... So for now as I am enjoying my new tool, I will also commit to some quality time physically together and communicating with others. And it will be great to talk with you in person, too. There really is no substitute for that.


-- Post From My iPhone

Blog Love

It’s time to acknowledge some kind words and recognition I’ve received from some great bloggers: Graceful Yoga and Bliss Chick.

Thanks! Blogging has brought in another aspect of my life that I love. I feel as though I’ve met some really great people through blog words. And I think it would be really fun to do a yoga retreat for bloggers and yogis. It would be fun to meet, practice some yoga, and hang out. Those who wanted to could write about it (of course!). This way Dr. Jay could have in-person support if he were to get stuck on vacation again.

Here are some more blogs and bloggers I like:

Yoga for Cynics
Svasti
Ordinary Enchantment
Wouldn’t stop picking at it
The Wicked Witch of the Web
Southern Yogi

And I enjoy the blogs in the side bar of this blog!

Thank you, bloggers! I especially like to read when you talk personally about things you care about and share beautiful pictures.