Friday, February 5, 2010
Blogging is a life-enhancer!
Instead of talking about my resistance and impression of deep change inside myself about turning 39 this week, I think I just want to talk about my realizations about how my online life is really coming into my reality in many beautiful ways.
The other day I was playing some beautiful music I learned about at the internet home of Anthroyogini, and was talking to yoga students before class and enjoying the music and thought about what a cool convergence the moment held. I felt myself expanded and inclusive of someone I’d never met in person from Australia, and musicians from the same place, as well as me and the students, too.
Ohhh-kay, maybe I’ll gripe a little… (This reminds me of Dr. Jay over at Yoga for Cynics...) I'm struggling a little bit with having turned 39 this week... And in reality I think that even this struggle is good because it has to do with disregarding my illusions of what I think life is like, and embracing my life as it is. At this point, there is no fantasy to hold on to. I have enjoyed my fantasies, though. What an exciting part of experience to see yourself imaginatively as being totally satisfied with the partner of your dreams, and having a perfect fantasy life that fulfills cultural expectations and so on…
And recently I’ve been reading some poetry to students from the book ‘Go In and In’ by Danna Faulds that I found out about during a chat over at the Namaste Book Club. When I give voice to those words I am also aware of the people who shared this book with me, who of course (it’s not so strange that) I haven’t met. But we learn things about each other that words can tell.
I am realizing that I had some pretty strict rules about what I wanted to have happen during my 30s. The thought of having a child with someone wonderful was definitely one of the guiding forces pulling strings from the background. But I’ve been listening to the audiobook of ‘Hot, Flat and Crowded’ by Thomas L. Friedman, and since the human population is getting so huge maybe I can be okay with helping the people who are already here in whatever ways I can.
Earlier this year I went to a workshop with Rusty Wells. It was Michelle of The Devil Wears Prana who raved so much about his teaching that brought me to that valuable experience. And I just signed up for a workshop about Shadow Yoga. It was Svasti's experience with this form of yoga that piqued my interest.
The ending of my third decade of life seems to merit some grieving, and I’ve felt a bit of sadness…
It also added a totally new dimension to my experience of the sometimes BlissChick, Christine to actually meet the real flesh-and-blood and beautiful spirit person. When we met she explained that she was not always a BlissChick. Sometimes she is also a real PissedChick, and all the other real human emotions. Our in-person conversation led me down a road of self-discovery that has literally changed how I understand myself, leading to a sense of deeper integration and balance in me. I can’t thank you enough, Christine!
I also accomplished something amazing during the three and zeros: I have found myself. This is an incredible accomplishment, and might not be easy to explain… It isn’t something I could have understood before I did it. But I allowed the space for me to understand myself. Yoga, of course, helped tremendously. And the people I met through yoga have helped in direct ways and also by helping me point my sensibilities in a direction so I could find my own tools to learn about myself. This means that I have sat with all of the uncomfortable (and ecstatic) emotions inside myself that I could. And through this process I have learned to accept and love parts of myself that I never would have even looked at before…
And, of course, there are many other beautiful bloggy souls who have been my companions along the way. Thank you, Readers and Commenters!
I would be totally amiss if I didn’t mention the profound effect that blogging in my thirties has had on me! This cyberspace has offered me a place to find my voice by using it. It has also offered me opportunities for community and support that have helped me to accept myself beyond what I might have thought was possible, before. Just that I can share my thoughts and find out that people resonate with what I am saying has been such a boon for my sense of worth. I am not alone, and I know it! Yeah!