Friday, February 5, 2010

Blogging is a life-enhancer!


Instead of talking about my resistance and impression of deep change inside myself about turning 39 this week, I think I just want to talk about my realizations about how my online life is really coming into my reality in many beautiful ways.

The other day I was playing some beautiful music I learned about at the internet home of Anthroyogini, and was talking to yoga students before class and enjoying the music and thought about what a cool convergence the moment held. I felt myself expanded and inclusive of someone I’d never met in person from Australia, and musicians from the same place, as well as me and the students, too.

Ohhh-kay, maybe I’ll gripe a little… (This reminds me of Dr. Jay over at Yoga for Cynics...) I'm struggling a little bit with having turned 39 this week... And in reality I think that even this struggle is good because it has to do with disregarding my illusions of what I think life is like, and embracing my life as it is. At this point, there is no fantasy to hold on to. I have enjoyed my fantasies, though. What an exciting part of experience to see yourself imaginatively as being totally satisfied with the partner of your dreams, and having a perfect fantasy life that fulfills cultural expectations and so on…

And recently I’ve been reading some poetry to students from the book ‘Go In and In’ by Danna Faulds that I found out about during a chat over at the Namaste Book Club. When I give voice to those words I am also aware of the people who shared this book with me, who of course (it’s not so strange that) I haven’t met. But we learn things about each other that words can tell.

I am realizing that I had some pretty strict rules about what I wanted to have happen during my 30s. The thought of having a child with someone wonderful was definitely one of the guiding forces pulling strings from the background. But I’ve been listening to the audiobook of ‘Hot, Flat and Crowded’ by Thomas L. Friedman, and since the human population is getting so huge maybe I can be okay with helping the people who are already here in whatever ways I can.

Earlier this year I went to a workshop with Rusty Wells. It was Michelle of The Devil Wears Prana who raved so much about his teaching that brought me to that valuable experience. And I just signed up for a workshop about Shadow Yoga. It was Svasti's experience with this form of yoga that piqued my interest.

The ending of my third decade of life seems to merit some grieving, and I’ve felt a bit of sadness…

It also added a totally new dimension to my experience of the sometimes BlissChick, Christine to actually meet the real flesh-and-blood and beautiful spirit person. When we met she explained that she was not always a BlissChick. Sometimes she is also a real PissedChick, and all the other real human emotions. Our in-person conversation led me down a road of self-discovery that has literally changed how I understand myself, leading to a sense of deeper integration and balance in me. I can’t thank you enough, Christine!

I also accomplished something amazing during the three and zeros: I have found myself. This is an incredible accomplishment, and might not be easy to explain… It isn’t something I could have understood before I did it. But I allowed the space for me to understand myself. Yoga, of course, helped tremendously. And the people I met through yoga have helped in direct ways and also by helping me point my sensibilities in a direction so I could find my own tools to learn about myself. This means that I have sat with all of the uncomfortable (and ecstatic) emotions inside myself that I could. And through this process I have learned to accept and love parts of myself that I never would have even looked at before…

And, of course, there are many other beautiful bloggy souls who have been my companions along the way. Thank you, Readers and Commenters!

I would be totally amiss if I didn’t mention the profound effect that blogging in my thirties has had on me! This cyberspace has offered me a place to find my voice by using it. It has also offered me opportunities for community and support that have helped me to accept myself beyond what I might have thought was possible, before. Just that I can share my thoughts and find out that people resonate with what I am saying has been such a boon for my sense of worth. I am not alone, and I know it! Yeah!

11 comments:

Christine Claire Reed said...

Brooks, You are too sweet. :)

I will have to come to Chicago soon so we can have a longer cafe talk. I <3 Chicago and now there is even more reason to visit!

And isn't blogging freaking amazing?! I could NEVER have imagined what it has done for me.

Eco Yogini said...

oh i LOVE this post, and I love reading how blogging has become a part of your "non-cyber" life as well. It makes us all connected hey?

I'm REALLY interested in reading a book i heard about on a podcast i was listening to the other day. It's about how our society perceives women who choose not to have children. The authors gave a fantastic interview so I'm going to order the book. Sadly it's in French, but your thoughts reminded me of it.

Life can be so many things, and I think that's what I'm hoping will grow within myself. :)

I think what you left out is how YOU have impacted so many with your thoughts and musings here on your space. So many of your posts resonate with me, and give me pause. Thank you Brooks!

Elize said...

I second EcoYogini...
your contributions to the blogsphere are enormous and I am so grateful!

YogaforCynics said...

Brooks, my friend, you've certainly played a huge part in my online life as well...the good side of my online life, in which I learn from intelligent, compassionate people, and am honored that they enjoy what I have to say, as well, that is...as opposed to the not-so-good side, in which I surf crap till three in the morning...as you know, many of my blog posts have started out here in your comments, as your words have gotten my mind buzzing...hmmm...possibly that thing about the good and not so good sides of my online life...we'll see...

Nicholle Cheesman said...

I am a recent follower of your blog...stumbled across it while looking at yoga related blogs...and have really enjoy reading your posts. This one I could really relate to having just turned 35 myself and still in the process of "finding myself" too...it is nice to be able to share our journeys in this public, yet personal forum. Thank you for sharing yours and I look forward to following your journey.

roseanne said...

what a wonderful community you have, brooks! and from what i know of you, you completely deserve it!

thanks for your wonderful expression of gratitude. it has reminded me how grateful i am for blogging, and how it has enhanced and enriched my life.

Namaste_Heather said...

I am new to blogging and finding your blog. This post was amazing! I turned 40 last June and what an interesting ride that was. (I also got married last June to the love of my life.) I have learned a lot over the last few months that I've spent blogging. It is an amazing community and I am so grateful to have found such interesting, like-minded individuals! Thank you for being you, and thank you for sharing a part of yourself with the rest of us!

svasti said...

Dear Brooks, I agree! I've learned so much and discovered things and people I never would have if it wasn't for blogging.

In fact, next weekend I'm going to a workshop with Mark Whitwell, as a direct influence from both Anthroyogini and Nadine Fawell. And I'll be meeting Nadine too, added bonus!

Recent I've also met other fellow bloggers, bought artwork from them and even won a beautiful notebook from one of my favourite artist bloggers.

Not to mention that putting a lot of my angst in writing and releasing it to the world, has certainly helped in my processing and healing.

Your blog rocks, Miss Brooks. And so do you. It'd be great if I got to meet you some time! And I'm so glad you're trying Shadow Yoga, which also rocks. :)

Laura Hegfield said...

Well happy birthday Brooks! I'll be 45 this year, but the older I am, the more clear it becomes that numbers are...numbers...LIVING a full life has nothing to do with them. May you be blessed with all you need each moment of the year that unfolds.

I too feel tremendous gratitude toward the blogging community...meeting people heart to heart from around the country and way past these borderless borders to nearly every continent. (haven't met anyone in Antarctica yet) Truly something unique in all of human history on the planet is happening here on the internet. It becomes clearer and clearer that we are indeed woven together in a net of humanity and friendship.

gentle steps,
Laura

Katherine Jenkins said...

Just found your lovely blog here while searching for yoga-related blogs. Your words are very uplifting. I, too, do not have children and posted about it. My husband is a former Korean Buddhist Monk and yoga teacher. He's opening his own studio in Seattle called Yoon's Yoga Bliss! I'm following you here..hope you will stop by mine called Lessons from the Monk I Married. Metta to you, Kathy

Amanda said...

Hi Brooks,

I've been out of the loop for a while (for months in some aspects of my online life), and physically, suffering depression and then going to Indonesia for a much needed holiday.

I thought I'd comment on the children/non-children issue. I have 2 children, yet having children was something that 'happened' to me rather than something I deeply desired. It was unplanned in the first instance at age 22, and then planned at age 29.

I was never really and am still not the doting mummy-type. Many aspects of Gen-x parenting repulse me: i.e. pretentious baby names, filling your kids' lives up with endless after school activities, brand name baby-everything, and the guilt trips such as breast feeding vs bottle, smacking vs no smacking etc etc.

I am not afraid to say that if I had my time over again I WOULD NOT have children. I love my children with all my heart. In fact, I love them much more now that they are young adults to whom I can relate (one's 20 and the other is 13).

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I regret having my children, just that being a mother is not the focal point of my life. I know this will probably stir up resentment in others, but I derive very little meaning from being a mother. I derive far more meaning from other things in my life: my work, my partner & friends, yoga, reading, fitness, and the relationship with my children as independent minds and human beings in their own right rather than as simply products of my womb and parenting.

My point is this: having children is not the be-all and end-all. Deriving contentment, happiness and meaning from your life is far more important. Sharing this with others in the way that you do, Brooks, is every moment as important in this crazy world as children.