What can I say??

I think that I'm breakin' through the barrier...

Could it be as simple as a stretch?

S'pose it might be...

(Isn't it cool that even my student's dogs experience the benefit of their human receiving yoga instruction! Witness the above "down dog." Total excellence.)

It's only taken me ten years...um, do I mean lifetimes?

But anyway, I feel ready to take a fresh look at my resources and to start dreaming and doing in a way that is different for me, and a bit more outward regarding. I previously thought that the problem was me, almost as if I was a problem... This is centered in child-thinking where the child internalizes whatever happens as being their fault. The old solution was to focus in on myself to try to eradicate the problem... As you can imagine this may have caused a problem for myself. But along the way I also have learned so much about myself, so making myself the enemy was not without benefit.

I am confident today and trust myself in radically new ways, and well, we'll see... Could it be as simple as reaching beyond the old ways, like a stretch to release an old stiffness? I understand that I am not the enemy, and nobody is. The prognosis (I give myself regarding the "stuckness") seems good.

And if this seems like a totally cryptic post, well: it is... A somewhat abstract wondering...

Yours truly,
Brooks

...and Thank You for reading!

I knew there would come a day…

I believed on February 21, 2011 that the day would come when I would want to use this picture (I took it on that same day):

I remember liking the way the light dusting of snow had highlighted the links of chain that were binding old splintered wood onto old stumps that probably once supported something usable. This mass of old stuff is in the Chicago River. I took the picture as I was walking across a bridge on a cold day. I looked at this and thought to myself: How stuck can you get??

When I look at this image I just think that it shows useless holding on. No current consciousness or utility seems to be holding this stuff together. It has just been left to allow time and weather to shift it at will. But it has sufficient mass to hold on for a long time, so it would require a big expenditure of human effort to move it any time soon.

So I thought that the image would probably represent a downer post or something when I think of myself as appreciating the flow of experience.

But If I’m only appreciating the flow and movement I might allow my attention to be selective to only see such movement taking place, or doing, or more precisely thinking things that create an illusion of flow when there have been parts of me that have been bound like those old logs—for years.

I’ve focused so much on the inner work of what I’ve understood about yoga (the parts that I thought would help me), and perhaps I’ve learned a few things, and I believe that I have—even though I also understand that one’s work is never finished.

“Enlightment” in a human body is not a situation when the person in the body knows something and stops taking in new input—because they are already knowing and perfectly spiritual. Someone in an enlightened state (in my opinion) might just be a bit clearer on seeing the changes that are happening in the world a bit closer to when they are actually happening, and I think that they are also capable of acting on them. I think that it could be hard to see what is really happening to the planet and ourselves because we tend to be married to our memories and dreams (or is that just me?).

This might sound a bit harsh, but I think that what I am proposing to myself is to break off my engagement with false thoughts (even the nice ones…).

A few years ago I married myself (I’m not kidding…) with a little private ceremony because I wanted to formally pledge my support to my life path—my personal path, not the one that I thought that others had directed me towards.

Now I want to clearly see the results of this work and readjust my path to be true to what I’ve learned. A part of me has really been dragging her feet.

Thus the above image…

Life like a sunflower...

Is my life like a sunflower?

It is now September, and just like this sunflower has so many maturing seeds in it's big, round sun, I, too have some options for future growth... And like this sunflower there are so many options, presented in the seeds, that some might not work out. Some of the seeds will probably be eaten by birds or shriveled by neglect. But some will make it. Some will grow!

For my potential futures and possibilities, a crucial factor will be the attention and attentive action I can offer to the options (seeds) I choose to develop.

For a seed to grow, it needs a proper spot. It seems that I also need to do a bit of weeding so I can take care of the ones I want, instead of trying to nurture old things that are no longer fitting in the garden of my dreams.

I'm goin' for a Sizzlin' September of Action towards those possibilities I want for my future. Which includes lettin' go of the old (and throwing a few things in the trash...) as well as attendin' to the new!

Of course I'd like to keep my presence rooted in the Present Moment: I'll pretty much have to in order to get anythin' meaningful accomplished... The only place I can do ANYTHING is in the here and now...

As you can see, I'm goin' for a chilled 'tude... But I really am intending to turn up the gas and cook the food I want to eat (so to speak...)!

See me smiling.

Or not...

I am not someone to ever be confused with the smile police. However I like to smile. And I like to remind myself that I can smile for no reason and I can smile for me.

This is really about my Tumblr blog:

http://yogaandbrooks.tumblr.com/

I have been posting quotes about smiling and pictures of myself smiling, as well as quotes from books I've been reading and stuff like that.

And since I have a contrarian aspect to my personality I haven't posted any smiles in this post, but you can see plenty at Yoga and Brooks...

Yogic Musing on Change.

Hi, Yogic Muse Reader!

Thank you for YOU! I appreciate all readers.

...Even if there has been a bump or some kind of difficulty in our relationship: I'm glad you're here (even if you don't like me, and of course I like it when you like me.).

Changes are here! I believe them to be the kind of changes that I explained in this video about my reading of The Magic Mountain, by Thomas Mann—changes that slowly ripen over time...

I am a changing being—no joke. I believe it because I am living it.

I've heard people say oh such-and-such, they are always this way... And there seems to be assumptions about people not changing, well, I am changing.

And I don't mean that I reject my old self (or selves): I love her dearly. She is my precious one.

I've had some insight from a recent makeup consultation—I'm not kidding! At some point I would have thought that to be so superficial, but I really valued the experience and results (which you can see in the above image).

It was about bringing this one (the person I am now) out more vividly into the world.

I saw something in my eyes that I'd never seen before.

It's someone who has secrets (in a good way).

In the past I have felt raw, open and unprotected. I seemed to require approval from everyone I met, which is (of course) not possible. Even worse, I think that I wanted everyone to forgive my sins, which is something that nobody else can do for me... What was so bad about me doesn't really make sense for this woman in an adult body. It had something to do with childhood wounds which I had zero control over.

The makeup brought out my eyes in a more vivid way, while offering a boundary—a mask if you want... I'm thinking that I want to present myself vividly to the world while maintaining a safe and nurturing interior space for the images and memories from my past. And only sharing what I want.

It seems very feminine (another concept that I've had some difficulty with) to maintain safety in a protected internal space while sharing what I want. Offering what I choose to as a gift to my friends (instead of desperately looking for their approval or love to fill my old wound) seems like a really awesome way to be.

In the past I see or remember myself almost compulsively over-sharing to just about any friend who offered a generous ear, or I was completely shut off from them. This was due to my unattended to internal pain—it really seemed too much to bear on many occasions. And so I needed others to save me, yet nobody else could. Only I can.

And I can.

I like her, too:

The above picture is good old me without makeup, early in the morning at the Willis Tower Skydeck.

Yoga at Skydeck Chicago.

Hi! Read my latest article at ElephantJournal.com :

Grabbable Buns, Media, Glitz and Yoga on the 103rd floor.

I visited the magic mountain...

Hi! Check out my new post at ElephantJournal.com:

The Magic Mountain of Love, Freedom and Death