Fear juice

I was riding my bike uphill in the humid heat and a yellow school bus engaged the engines. In my spooked state I felt my abdomen lift in a perfect illustration of natures fear mechanism, healthy and well inside my body. I was happy to realize that I had been relaxed prior to the intrusion of the roaring bus engines. It wasn't always the case with my body. I had to learn to relax. I came into adulthood feeling afraid, and my body was hard with fear. But today when I felt the classical fear response flexing my muscles and lifting my belly, I realized that I had actually been relaxed--how cool. I took it to mean that I am traveling with an increased sense of well-being which I also know to be true. I got a shot of fear juice when I heard the loud noise coming from the giant bus that was right next to me.

Then I remembered how, just moments earlier, I had been having some difficulty passing this bus that had been stopped at a red light or something. The bus was taking up half of the bike lane, so it was hard. I had to really slow down because I just fit. And right about when I was in line with the door my frustration erupted into me yelling out, "Fuck!" It wasn't intended as a provocation. In fact, it wasn't something I had intended at all--I was on my way to teach a yoga class, after all... This bus wasn't the only vehicle ignoring the lines that designate the bike lane, so there would be no reason to single this vehicle out, anyway. But, I wondered if that bus gunning the engines the way it had was some kind of communication from that driver, that translated would say something like, "I heard that."

The way I understand it, when the body is in fear the belly lifts, preparing the body to run. The same is true for other furry creatures, too. When the belly lifts, the spine is supported and the body can move fast without harm. Also any blood that was digesting food gets rerouted towards the arms and legs to aid the fight-or-flight moment.

Conversely, when a healthy body is relaxed, the belly can rest supporting deep breathing and healthy belly blood flow for digestion. For correct digestion and a calm nervous system the belly needs to relax, but many of us are chronically, as well as unconsciously tightening our bellies. And we need to teach our bellies to relax. Thus, one of the important reasons to do yoga. I felt by belly relax as an adult for the first time in a yoga class, I was about 30. It was a wonderful feeling. I think I had been holding my belly in since I was 8 or 9 years old (or earlier). This is not healthy.

It's great to have strong abs, and it's important to be able to soften the belly. Both are true. If I were to walk around all the time, tightening my belly, I wouldn't be relaxed and my digestive health would be stressed. And if my abdomen is weak, it might contribute to back pain or weakness. So the healthy choice is to try to have it all: both a strong belly, and the ability to relax. May it be so.


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For the Love of Water.

About cows, and starfish, and roses, there is no
argument. They die, after all.

But water is a question, so many living things in it,
but what is it, itself, living or not? Oh gleaming

generosity, how can they write you out?

~ Mary Oliver, an excerpt from the poem called 'Some Things, Say the Wise Ones'

I've found myself wondering if water holds love. I feel it in my mouth and on the inner edges of my eyelids. There is a general sense of humidity about my skin. My palms and feet experience a sense of dampness. In the proximity of others I get the sense of a humidity that we create together. Does this humidity hold love?

When a drink of water meets my thirst it is a satisfaction and a silence beyond description. Water. It represents both a need and an ultimate fulfillment.

Water comes to me from the natural world, and through avenues of human transportation to slake my thirst, bathe my body, and transport my shit. Then this water rejoins nature by evaporation from my skin and the moisture in my breath, as well as back through structures of human-made technology to rejoin the world's waterways: the lakes, rivers, streams and oceans.

And the water that leaves my toilet or goes down my drain goes on its own journey to meet the water that has left your toilet and has gone down your drain. This water finds its way toward the lakes, rivers, streams and oceans, wrapping the world in a global hug of water and humidity, our biosphere.

When I am in a room with other people we are all exchanging the moistness of our exhalations, knowing one another intimately, if impersonally. Moisture from my body comes out through my nose or mouth, and becomes dispersed in the air where it may find itself traveling very deeply into your body on your inhalation, or it might just play around in your nose or mouth for a while and then come out again, perhaps eager to explore more. But yes, we are close: much closer than we sometimes realize.

The beautiful scent of a flower is a love note from the water contained in the cells of the flower to the water in the receptive cells in my nose. And the scent of my lover is also a love letter from the water in his cells to the water in mine. These smells can also speak of illness. A rank smell coming from someone might be a message from the water in the cells speaking of disease, even calling for help. It could be a gesture of love desiring help for the afflicted body. And the smells of death might be a warning.

This generous water (as Mary Oliver called it) supports the playground of our lives. Water supports incredible abundance and diversity in life, and our actions whether helpful or harmful are aided by this same water. Can we learn to respect and honor the miraculous gift of water for our lives? It is us and it empowers us.

The water in the Gulf of Mexico is crying. I get the sense that water loves to play with our life forms. We are so intimate with it! Every birth is reveled in by water, and every death is an opportunity for renewal for water. And water also contains the current disaster in the Gulf. I feel ashamed because I am a part of humanity that busted that hole in the floor of the ocean where too much uncontrolled oil is leaking. The water is now holding giant clouds of oil and dispersant where marine life used to frolic, mate and live. The water is supporting the great globs of oil that birds are unknowingly diving into. The water-filled bodies of birds want to feed their families, and instead of a beakful of fresh Gulf seafood, many are getting a mouthful of oil. Water holds the bodies of these suffering birds. As I offer my tears to this water, it is water that forms my tears.

* With gratitude to Rev. Hogetsu Laurie Belzer for her inspiring Dharma talk on "Swimming in the Samadhi of Water” at Ancient Dragon Zen Gate. *

** This article is fulfills part of the 21.5.800 Writing and Yoga Challenge. **

*** Simul-posted at Elephant Journal ***

It's okay to write crap, just don't share it with me.

Not too long ago the venerable Dr. Jay wrote a post called, "Better to Stay Silent than to Write Crap" and when I read it I thought that I disagreed, so I commented:

I know that you are the authority when it comes to the Yoga Cynic Sutra... But I think this latest one is just crap! I think it's better to just write, and sort out the crap later.

Those with low self esteem would never write if they believed that crap! And writers are sometimes not the best judges of their own crap. Stephen King's wife pulled 'Carrie' out of the trash! So there.

And since I've decided to break my blog silence, I apparently feel obligated to joyfully spew a bunch of crap right here!

From the crapper,
Brooks

So I thought that I disagreed because I had taken the 'Yoga Cynic Sutra' literally... *My bad...* ...because I totally agree when it comes to publishing on my blog!

It's become a "thing" because of the writing challenge I'm doing. I wrote in a different way today. I dug into a personal shame, and honestly I know some people might find it interesting, but it's just kind of an outpouring of my mind, and I don't want to bother anybody with this right now. I wrote over 800 words without consideration of an audience. I just wrote to hear my thoughts on the subject at hand.

So I do think it's cool to write whether its crap or not, but I just think that we should think before we post. I don't want to bore you (or worse)... And I hope that you might consider my eyes and mind if you're blogging, too. If I get the sense that it's just words, I'll stop reading. But I guess nobody can read everything, anyway. So I won't feel bad.

Yeah, and I practiced yoga--another part of the challenge... And I breathed air, drank, ate, went to the bathroom, and took a shower, too. He.





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21.5.800 Community Project

Bindu Wiles has started a community project challenge, and is asking people to join her in writing 800 words a day for 21 days as well as practicing yoga 5 times per week, starting tomorrow--June 8. The yoga part I have down as a part of my regular routine, but it's appealing to take on the writing challenge, and see what happens... I'm not planning to share all of the writing here, but I imagine that some portions of it will land here on the blog. Wish me luck!



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On being heard, seen and supported (even when you feel like sh…)

An article about yogic communication at Elephant Journal.


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This seems helpful...

Sometimes people seem to think that they don't want to share something for fear of bringing others down. And I guess that there is a time and a place for everything... For me, this includes a place for difficulty. It's a part of truth, right? A happy veneer on a repressed reality isn't fun for anybody, it only streamlines business interactions, but it stifles the heart.

In a quest for being honest with my reality, I have taken the risk of sharing my struggle a few times... Mostly what I've gotten back is blankness. Sometimes I have received downright rejection. And there is the hurtful quick-change to a cheery subject--nice day, isn't it? Then there has also been a cherished caring listener here and there. Thank you friends!

Just to get back to it... There is nothing more isolating than being ignored. What's weird is that someone can look into your eyes and ignore you. Sometimes people are just too busy or self-absorbed to listen to another person, especially when that person is carrying difficulty. We want things to be nice and easy. But things aren't always nice or easy. And it hurts me when someone spits back the story of my words with a cheerful spin, when what is happening is hard for me. I have my truth, and I'm trying to share it with you. I'm taking a chance, and trying to trust. Of course there is a bright side and a learning piece for every difficulty, and I pray to see that. But there are times when experience is difficult.

This list was passed along by a friend (that I will leave unnamed). It is called 10 Things to Say (and 10 Not to Say) to Someone With Depression. And I think that these might be helpful tips for supporting anyone experiencing difficulty, whether it's a bad day or worse...

Say this:

1. You're not alone in this.
2. You are important to me.
3. Do you want a hug?
4. You are not going mad.
5. We are not on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through.
6. When all this is over, I'll still be here and so will you.
7. I can't really understand what you are feeling, but I can offer my compassion.
8. I'm not going to leave you or abandon you.
9. I love you. (Say this only if you mean it.)
10. I'm sorry that you're in so much pain. I am not going to leave you. I am going to take care of myself, so you don't need to worry that your pain might hurt me.

Don't say this:

1. There's always someone worse off than you are.
2. No one ever said that life was fair.
3. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
4. So you're depressed. Aren't you always?
5. Try not to be so depressed.
6. It's your own fault.
7. I think your depression is a way of punishing us.
8. Haven't you grown tired of all this "me, me, me" stuff yet?
9. Believe me, I know how you feel. I was depressed once for several days.
10. Have you tried chamomile tea?

* These lists are found on health.com


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Today I Forgive

Today I forgive
the world. It doesn't notice.
Only my heart does.


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