I first thought that I might do this as a time capsule entry that I would choose to release on or after June first. But I now think that I just might get up from this savasana a bit early. It's kind of like when I sit down for a 30 minute meditation, and then decide that it's time to get going after 20 (don't look too closely at the math...). It's still good that I've meditated! And I sure am not about perfection... Nope. And I can see that I've gotten some good stuff out of the amount I've done. Maybe I'm ready to roll over to the right side of my body, rest there for a bit, and then use my hands and arms to push myself up to a seated position, and blog!
I just do want this writing to remain as a regular part of my life. The yearning bursts from me like something beautiful.
It is only the 12th day of my month-of-May 2010 blog savasana and I've been really missing it. The first week was okay, but around the 10th day it got hard; I wanted to get back to it! I miss the sense of involvement and distraction that blogging can provide. Blog me up, Scottie!
I love you my precious blog, and cherished readers!!
This time spent not blogging has yielded valuable personal insight for me. I am looking for more and maybe there's not more. So basically I have been wondering if I have been just using this extra time so far to abuse myself--not too helpful...
But I did have a very personal and seemingly key breakthrough about a block in my Very Personal life. Yes! I have one. And I think that my blog moratorium has allowed the space for this to happen. I have forced myself to sit with it. In the process I drank wine.
I had observed behavior in myself around blogging that I felt was out-of-synch for me, even though I was doing it. The first thing I was doing every morning was checking my blog traffic information: how many "unique visitors" saw my blog the day before. I think living this way cheapens my existence. When I mentioned this to a friend, she made me laugh about it. So, of course, it could not possibly cheapen my actual existence here as that is totally out of my control. But, I do find that the way I start my day sets the tone for the day. So if I start with a prayer, the world might seem more magical. And if I start with meditation, I might start with a greater awareness of my mental soup, and awareness, period. Starting with yoga leaves me with a greater sense of physical precision and activation. Or if I start the day providing food and water for my bunnies, and pet them, I am starting from a stance of care and connection that extends far beyond those first moments.
I think that the wee hours are holy. So when I use those first moments at about 4:30 am to check my site statistics on my iPhone something seems wrong with that picture. Am I living to see the number of visitors to my Web site? No... But, I love visitors very much! And I am living to live my life, truthfully--not perfectly!
I haven't looked at those statistics during this blog break. I determinedly have deleted my statistics emails every day, to remind me about what I'm not doing--blogging! What a horror...
So as I get back to blogging, I plan to wait to see those stats until a bit later in the day...just not first thing. Because I'm worth it. I wish to honor the beauty of existence in some way that seems appropriate. Waking up in the morning is a blessing, and I just want to honor that in some way every day before I move on to other activities and blogging.
I am so happy to post this entry!
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