Sunday, October 7, 2012
Self-care is important!!
I have just suffered a deluge of self-doubt! Ugh!
I really rode it out, and fully experienced all of its total nastiness (not the good kind…).
Seriously. Choking sobs that were close to puking. Mental turmoil, almost a state of delirium, that would swell and calm. And I decided to weather the storm, and then what I would imagine to be sessions of coma-like sleep. Events had happened that brought up flotsam of past incarnations, practically, and I had the opportunity to process a big chunk of my psychological shit!! So a part of me is excited because I trusted the adventure, and today I am back and better.
During the storm, I even noticed that my posture was different, more child-like: I just didn’t feel like myself…
And I think I feel better, at least partially, because I just remembered that sometimes people snipe at me when they are feeling inadequate!! It has nothing to do with anything ugly in me...
I had been really letting myself experience all those old wounds as I suffered, and I also believe myself to have experienced a sort of healing for having gone into the darkness as I did.
And at the same time I am also reminded of the importance of self-care. The best solution, I am convinced, is to take excellent care of my body, mind and spirit in all the ways I know how to so I am strong as others feel weak (too) and sometimes act out in ways that can unsettle me.
I had gone out a bit far, and forgotten my mooring, or connection to my sense of stability, and was tossed around in the sea of inadequacy, inner poverty, insecurity… And perhaps it was really a good reminder for taking good care of myself, and remembering that I can know myself.
Some may read this and say “oh no!!” And I know what you mean perhaps… But know that I am saying “oh yes!!!” I am back, feeling good and ready for more life!