Memories of Floccinaucinihilipilification

Self-reflection (svadyaya)* while I was reading the new book Emotional Freedom, by Judith Orloff M.D. compassionately showed me some of my unprocessed emotional straw (dotted with plenty of unresolved EXCREMENT) that still needs to be spun into gold through the alchemy of yoga, as in the union of body, mind and spirit. You really need the spirit part to do it! Without opening the heart to something greater (Isvara-pranidhana)* than the personal story, we can become a prisoner of it. And the book is definitely written for men and women both. So if you have ever done something or said something you regretted later because it was harmful and not done with conscious awareness, this book offers helpful ideas for becoming more aware and for shifting into a more compassionate and loving place.

The chapter on jealousy (aparigraha)* had me rapt. In it I learned a new word: floccinaucinihilipilification which refers to “the habit of deeming everything worthless.” This definition transported me to my younger adult days when a regular phrase for me was, “Life sucks,” said in a passionless monotone. I just wasn’t seeing a place for my hope to sprout in the world I was seeing. The new connection I made was that this was an effect of having lived jealously. When you always think that other people have everything figured out, and you don’t, eventually, (it’s easy to see how) someone might give up under those circumstances. Especially when that person (me) feels that they want to make a creative contribution to the world. That is not something you can find from someone else. It must come from within. Dr. Orloff sees self-esteem as the antidote for jealousy. It takes courage to look inward for inspiration, when so many people who don’t really have it worked out, themselves, want to tell us how to do everything—especially when you are a young person.

But it’s never really about other people, as in “their fault.” The road towards freedom shows up for real when a person is ready to take responsibility for their life. And a nice part about the book is that the author sees challenging emotions as opportunities to grow. So if I were to see the next occurrence of jealousy as an opportunity to work on self-esteem, I would be in line with the message of the book. So the next time I think that someone else has things figured out so much better than me, I can dedicate the next conscious moment to looking at what I am doing instead of ruminating on my warped perception of the other person.

Sometimes I am surprised when the old “life sucks” Brooks shows up. It is never when I am teaching yoga, but she can sneak in behind the scenes when I am watching or listening to a situation, either alone or in a group. Certain kinds of looks from people can bring it on, or if I feel that I am not being seen it can also happen. The next time this happens I’d like to remind myself that the clouds of negativity are not me, and those thoughts are not who I am. They are just a part of my mental soup that shows up sometimes, and I don’t have to believe it. It’s harmful to act from that dark place, so my awareness of it is crucial.

I have encountered some people who don’t want to tolerate negativity in any form. But that might send it deeper into the subconscious, and from there it can control things without interference. So this is why it’s important to bring these old nasties out into the light of conscious awareness—this way you can grow emotionally by making choices about what you are doing instead of reacting out of old emotional patterns.

I am grateful for having yoga in my life. It was the experience of going deeper into myself through this practice that allowed me to see a world where my hope might sprout and my dreams might become realities. My dream of teaching yoga has happened, writing about yoga substantiates another dream, and now I’d like to extend my reach further (hope in progress).

* I added the corresponding concepts from Patanjali's Yoga Sutras. The book isn't about yoga per se.

Svadhyaya and the Art of Self-study

During a recent dinner conversation, a friend made a distinction between teaching and living through students that made an impact. Teaching conveys the tools of a given subject, but doesn’t dictate the usage of the tools. Living through students is happening when a teacher says, “do it like me,” or, “do it this way.” The example follows:

Imagine a painting teacher who teaches students exactly what colors to use, and how to move the brushes across the canvas so that the resulting works look like an extension of the teacher’s portfolio. And the teacher looks around and thinks, “Ahh, good, I am impacting the world.” In this case the teacher is seeing more of his or her self in the work of the students, and even living through them.

Now imagine an art teacher who teaches about the brushes, paints, and the possibilities of painting, allowing students to communicate themselves through their paintings. In this case the teacher would look around the room and see a community of selves in the resulting paintings, rather than mimicry of style.

To beginning yoga students as well as beginning painters it is appropriate to show a path, but the goal is freedom (in art as well as in yoga). How can we learn to live as true expressions of our selves, whether it is through art or through the way we live our lives?

In yoga philosophy, Svadhyaya, or self-study, is fourth aspect of Niyama.

There is risk in knowing yourself. What if you discover that you are fundamentally different from someone else when your friendship was predicated on feeling the same about things? Or what if you find out that you are very similar to someone that you had decided was an enemy?

Nevertheless, this is an important part of being an artist or yogi: knowing your self. How else can you express who you are?

Svadhyaya includes all the ways we can know our selves: as individuals, in relationship, as a species, as culture, as spirit.

Teachers: Are you teaching to empower students to know themselves?

Students: Are you living through the teacher’s practice, or are you learning to deepen your experience, and to find your own expression and use of the tools?

Niyama for Revolutionary Road

Niyama offers tenets that can help harmonize our inner lives. Some might wonder why we should focus on our inner worlds. Doesn’t the outer one provide enough challenge? It may. But consider the situation in the movie Revolutionary Road. The challenges of the characters are similar to challenges that most people face. And even though I didn’t especially enjoy this movie, it does do a great job of illustrating the concept of emptiness and hopelessness of giving up dreams to live life in the suburbs. The main characters find themselves giving up their uniqueness to adhere to conventional behavior. But it doesn’t work out very well for the characters in the movie, and the only person who can speak freely is someone who has a day pass from the insane asylum. Pretty sad. I found myself feeling a little crazy just watching this film.

But I think that if Kate Winslet’s character could have just explored herself a little more she might have been able to find balance. She was concerned with creating space for her cutie-pie hubby, Leonardo DiCaprio, to discover himself. But her character’s personality seemed so strong. If she could have just taken a class or something (so she would have been growing something inside herself along with children) I think she might have fared better. But the movie starts out by showing her personal dream failing, and sets us up for her feelings of hollowness and hopelessness that the mentally ill guy helps us to understand. This family’s downfall is that they couldn’t accept themselves, and found themselves faking it and lying to get through the hours.

What does this have to do with yoga?

It has everything to do with yoga, because what yoga presents is the possibility for inner transformation. And the character’s downfall is a failure of their inner worlds. It’s pretty common that the first set of life plans don’t work out exactly as planned. So this movie presents a pretty dismal version of this. The characters give up. Life is too much for them. Desperate and ghastly measures are taken. But in lives that are living (as opposed to screen characters) there are opportunities for renewal. We can dream new dreams—even in the suburbs.

Niyama is the second of the eight limbs of yoga. It offers a strategy for attuning oneself toward positive change, and discovering oneself. It has five aspects that are concerned with the personal life of a yogi:

1. Saucha – purity
2. Santosa – contentment
3. Tapas – discipline
4. Svadhyaya – self-study
5. Isvara-pranidhana – surrender

These five principles set the stage for positive personal growth. Niyama guides us to relate with ourselves consciously. In the world it’s easy to forget about oneself in striving to fit in. There is so much going on and so much distraction. That’s why the first limb, Yama, brings attention to behaviors that are harmful, to take away that draw on our valuable resources. And so we have some energy to devote to ourselves.

The principles of Niyama outline a plan for taking care of oneself. Saucha has to do with inner and outer cleanliness. Santosa calls for the cultivation of contentment. Tapas is the discipline to stay with it. With Svadhyaya, or self-study we can observe the effects of practice and study. And Isvara-pranidhana is surrendering to the truth, or to a greater sense of reality. It takes into account that the world is bigger than oneself. Things happen that are out of our control.

Niyama outlines a compassionate approach for making changes. I have heard people say that they are stuck, even trapped in their lives. It’s usually best to start with something simple, and to follow through with it. Recently, I made a positive change. I always do some yoga practice (even if it’s only thirty minutes) before the first private session or group class I teach. What was previously holding me back was that I regularly teach 7am classes and my travel time is almost an hour. So I have early mornings, and was sometimes just showing up to teach as if that was enough. But I have found that the extra time for practice before teaching is essential. Practice later in the day is good but it doesn’t sharpen my senses for teaching the way early practice does. This change requires discipline (Tapas) to ensure that I persist with it. The practice clears my mind (Saucha) so I can be more accurate in my teaching. I watch the effects of this practice (Svadhyaya). And I feel good about my work (Santosa). And above all, I surrender to the truth of the moment (Isvara-pranidhana).