In a yoga class I took on Friday, I had anger and aggression pass through my handstand (arm balance) practice. I have heard some say that yoga is not a place for agression, and, well yogis don't get angry. I say: screw that!
I felt angry AND aggressive in a yoga class I was taking.
Handstand is a pose that I do easily on some days, and encounter difficulty on others. Well, Friday was one of the difficult ones. I recognize a psychological aspect in my ability to do it. When I feel powerless, I can't do it. Physically, I am strong, but there are times where I feel timid and lacking the strength to do it. There are times when I submit to this, and accept that I'm just not doing it that day. But this was not one of those times. I did things differently when I realized I felt sheepish in giving up.
I saw my teacher standing by to help and I told myself: I am going to do it. And I didn't. I heard myself say, "fuck!" in an angry whisper as my feet touched the mat again (sorry if I disturbed anyone). Luckily, he turned to help someone else (it's not you Quinn--I swear--I just needed to NAIL this one). And I felt a shot of aggression that put my legs up!
Some might say,"Brooks, life has its ups and downs, and yoga is a practice of yielding, surrendering, and practicing for death so you should have just stayed down."
And for this stage in my life this kind of surrender practice just doesn't seem appropriate. What do I serve? Fear? Authority? Tradition? How about a larger goal? Or steps toward a better world? Surrendering to the work required to make a change--I can agree to that! I have played the meek one long enough. I have a back-story that supports the part of victim pretty well. I also have a resilient spirit, a strong heart, a sharp mind, and capable hands! I believe in change, and I can DO IT.
I need to fight! Let me have my agression! Let me have my anger! Let these natural energies and responses to life's obstacles help me break through my own blocks. Yea!
(And if I turn into an unbalanced hothead--you bedda' believe I'll be searching out some quieter practices to cool my heels...)
