Pelvic "C" Words.

See my latest post at rootwisdomyoga.com :
The "C" Words for Penis & Vulva

Consent, Self-Determination and Respect in Yoga.

Do the concepts of consent, self-determination and respect have a place in yoga class? I think so! Read more at Root Wisdom Yoga:
Consent & Yoga Class.

Choosing to Participate In Or Create Something Sexual.

Examples of consent:
Enthusiastically agreeing, asking permission, and giving permission, or to be given permission to do something is to be given consent.

"Yes, I want to!" "Yes, I want you to..." are examples of consenting words and can also be enhanced by physically moving closer, eye contact, a full and pleasant breath, and other non-verbal cues...

Not consenting:
Includes saying "no," "I'm not sure," "Not today," can also be expressed by breaking eye contact, a pause in breathing, moving away a little or a lot, or other non-verbal cues...

Consent can be withdrawn at any moment, even after something has started.

In a consensual situation, if someone changes their mind, then the activity stops.

Consent is respectful, self-esteem supporting, and pleasure supporting. I really have trouble understanding the impulse to do something that affects someone else without including the other person, including finding out what they think and noticing how they physically respond, in the process of choosing to go forward, or deciding not to do it.

Choosing to consent, or enthusiastically and mutually agreeing, can include choosing to participate in or create something sexual and also to take ownership of what is happening. This can be difficult if someone is a female-bodied person and they were taught that women should be innocent, which can necessitate checking out in sexual situations, because on some level they are convinced, perhaps not totally consciously, that they will be more likable and more likely to be a valid candidate for protection and safety if they maintain a patina of innocence in their psychology. What a false situation this might create! Because meanwhile this person might have real needs including expression of sexuality, but at the same time having been taught that staying little girl-like might mean that they would be safe. And besides that, the idea of being safe because of some idea of what someone thinks is a crock!

I've put some ideas about Creating a Consensual Culture at Root Wisdom Yoga. Root Wisdom Yoga is my chosen baby, and I plan to publish a new article there every week. You can "Like" Root Wisdom Yoga on Facebook. Thank you! You can "follow me" on Twitter. Thanks so much!

And you can read my latest article at Root Wisdom Yoga: Creating a Consensual Culture. Yes! I am celebrating us figuring this out together!

Visions of Female Sexual Power…

And a World Without Rape… the subtitle for a book I've been thinking about again recently:

'Yes means Yes!'

Here's my post at Root Wisdom Yoga that includes info on consent:
What is Sex? I Thought I Knew…

A Great Bursting Forth! ...A Queer Healing.

This picture was taken at Nuts & Bolts election night 'American Queer Party' where I represented the 'Orange (underwear) Party' supporting self-determination for all people including people with vaginas, in a mini-performance.

I am feeling a touch reflective with approaching holidays/year end time…

2012 has been a year of great bursting forth in so many ways! I started having fun, after a period of not as much fun. I did not blog as much: I was living and exploring new ideas with other people much more. And I do want to start writing it down more. Some assumptions have changed. I am in new territory. I am happier. Things are making more sense.

Things I was semi-privately believing/thinking about have become things that I have now had opportunities to meet with others to talk about, personally express, and listen to what others are thinking. Something that is dear to my heart and vital to my sense of self is the concept of self-determination.

I have always felt misunderstood, and felt that gender-based assumptions that guided the way others related to me were off. This only led me to feel bad and ashamed of myself for feeling different. This is compounded in my case by traumatic childhood circumstances that required strength, yet I also received pressure to play with dolls because I was a girl, and eat candy because I was a kid. I even got teased because I liked salad without salad dressing, the reason being that everybody likes salad dressing. I was also coerced into saying I believed in santa, I suppose that was because these people wanted what they thought was a normal kid. They didn’t want me.

People I have met who seem to have a sophisticated understanding of self-determination are people who identify as queer, because they have had to decide how they want to present themselves. Queer expression is not something we are automatically fed through media sources; it is something that must be actively pursued and explored for individuals. This form of expression is something that is determined by the individual with the body expressing, rather than the culture at large, or the oppressive concept of “norms”. In many cases people who identify as queer have faced rejection from people closest to them, sometimes facing a period of homelessness or other disenfranchisement.

Mainstream culture is built on assumptions of normalcy and standards that are generally believed to work, so in asking the questions I’ve been asking of myself there is at times a real fear of deviance. How will the more authentic me be accepted? What will I continue to discover about myself? Where is this going?

So far I have experienced great healing through this pursuit through tools of queerness (radical welcoming, community support, honoring personal expression that might appear different): it’s okay for me to do things that are true to myself, and say how I feel. And I have had so much fun. I have also had glimmers of a vision of a world where I have a place, and where my expression is welcomed. …so far, so good.

In Case of Death. (Trigger Warning for the Subject of My Death.)

I’m in no hurry to die. But I’m thinking about it and I thought I’d share. I realize that almost nobody knows what I’d prefer in the case of my death.

I’m sure to die! My body is aging. My mind ripening… I celebrate myself on this macabre and gorgeous journey!

At a recent wake honoring the life of a young person who left their body, I realized that I had not thought too much about what I’d like in the case of my death.

But first! A casual short-list of things I want to do before I die:
1. Get a tattoo.
2. More sexual things, exploring consent and sexual action.
3. Practice handstand away from a wall.
4. Resolve financial stress.
5. Make a nice house (wherever I am): comfortable and welcoming for my self and others.
6. More connections in the world, community healing.
To be continued…

Okay, let’s say I died. I’d like everybody who feels connected to me in some way to have an opportunity to gather, but to also know that it’s okay to mourn privately if you'd prefer that. I would prefer that my body is not there. It can be cremated, placed in the earth or buried at sea, but don’t bother much with my corpse, it doesn’t have a lot to do with me, so it does not need to be present for the party. And I do not want a plot of earth marked and reserved for me; I’d like the earth to be enjoyed by those who are alive!!

At the gathering, I’d like you to do exactly how you feel, whether it seems appropriate or not. It is not necessary to be solemn or to act the way one thinks that one should act at an occasion like this. I just ask that you are mindful of not hurting others who are also there. In fact in honor of my playfulness, I’d like you to celebrate in a way that you’d like as long as you are not hurting others. You can dress in an unusual or colorful way, or not wear much! That would honor me as long as you are expressing yourself. At my wake, it’s okay to laugh and cry! It’s okay to honor yourself and your needs at the time. It’s okay to dance and smile and feel good. It’s okay to sit and think, or talk quietly. At some point in the evening (I see it happening at night.) I request silence: a moment (minutes long) for being together to honor the great mystery that is suggested by someone dying. It is okay to cry into this silence.

Remember what you want to accomplish while you are alive.

The above picture is a pic of a polaroid from an art installation. I like it because it looks like I am being born. In considering death, or even experiencing the death of aspects of self that I choose to leave behind me, I get an opportunity for a fresh expression of myself, and am renewed for the journey ahead.

Grateful for Queerness.

I am grateful for opportunities to explore my queerness.

For me, queerness has something to do with questioning the power structures supported by the notion that 1 man + 1 woman = marriages/families/privilege, and power imbalances that often exist within this kind of contractual situation. And the reality that I see includes many people, like myself, who are choosing to live their lives differently from this model.

I really do not want my life to be seen as legitimized by the presence of a male-bodied person. I should be allowed respect for my self, even in my female body, and my life as it is now: an independently living person. This in itself for some people might be seen as kind of queer.

Queerness in my mind is not based only in sexuality. I think it might be based in freedom: freedom to explore ones self based on perceptions and self-definition instead of trying to make a life that conforms to traditional hierarchy and historical images of power. These systems and images generally disregard people not living as 1 man + 1 woman, and tend to crush women’s power and ability to determine self in any case.

And yes, I want to claim the power to explore consent-based intimacy, love and sexual experiences with people I want to. I am thinking that what is important to me is the person, not necessarily the expressed gender of the person, that attracts me.

So, yes! I am grateful for queerness, and opportunities to explore the topic personally in relationships and life-choices, and socially in art, performance, poetry, spoken word, music, parties and activism. It offers me hope that there is the potential and vision for a more just world for people to live, be heard, and express themselves in.