Monday, March 29, 2010

A Little Piece O' Inner Work




A paragraph from a most excellent blog post from Svasti has stuck with me:

"For example, I was eventually able to see how some angry guy using me as a punching bag was not in any way personal. It just so happened that I was there and he was reacting to his own experience of reality and chose to get violent. Actually, it had nothing to do with me at all!"

At first I noticed that I kept thinking about it, and telling myself that I should post a comment on the post. Generally, I had thought that I understood the concept that when someone acts out towards someone else it is usually about something going on with the person acting out, and actually has little to do with the person acted upon.

Then, over the next few days the concept weaved its way through my apparatus of understanding, and into my heart, I think, because I found myself really seeing this in someone in my life who has "hurt me". I have been hurt by this person, this is true. What is in question is whether this person was doing something with the purpose of hurting me. Probably not.

That's the thing about intimate relationships: they go deep. Whether it is a romantic, parent-child, or close friendship we can look to these connections to fuel ourselves and help our self esteem in ways that are often not conscious. So when the one we are depending on looses control and lashes out with abuse, verbal or physical, it cuts deep.

So over the last few days I have really seen how an important relationship affected me, and what was going on. I was deeply hurt. So much that we are not in relationship now. And I was so hurt that I couldn't see it clearly.

It might sound too clean, or too cliche, but I am able to see into this situation, and see that this person was truly working within their own framework when they where saying and doing the things that hurt me. They weren't seeing me at all! Which seems nuts when it is assumed that when people have a bond that they are close, or know each other. That is too much of an assumption.

To try to stay in relationship with this person, I told myself some hurtful things. And ignored some bad behaviors. I did all of this because I wanted to be loved.

I feel empowered by this understanding because it means that I don't have to lie to myself any more. I can build myself from where I am. I am not dependent on the approval of someone who is incapable of seeing me.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Toe-tal Revelation


Sequence One* in the back of the book, Light on Yoga helps the yogi to find their feet and to balance well on them, activating all around the legs. It strengthens the legs, ankles and feet. I leave this practice with easy, open, deep breaths and a calm nervous system. My neck even feels good.

Tadasana
Vrksasana
Utthita Trikonasana
Utthita Parsvakonasana
Virabhadrasana I & II
Parsvottanasana
Salamba Sarvangasana I
Halasana
Savasana

One thing that I think has led to my revelations after my practicing this sequence has to do with the way I am practicing these poses. I've gone back to review Mr. Iyengar's written instructions earlier in the book, and it has really added to my sense of the poses.

On one reading about Tadasana, I took a fresh look at balancing equally on the bases of my toes and heels and continuing this approach to the feet in the following standing poses, too. On a later reading I retrieved the extension and grounding of the metatarsals-toes. It was such a revelation! I was so much more stable when I extended my toes and plugged the ends into the mat, not gripping, just extended and strong toes! After practicing like this I was walking around with such powerful-feeling legs. I could feel all around my thighs working, and really strong in the outer-shins, too!

At first it reminded me of the years in my early to mid twenties when I did yoga from a book. I liked it. But over the days of working with this sequence of poses, with the direction coming from the earlier text, I have integrated it and it feels like mine. And of course my students are also getting a fresh breeze of new instruction based on what I am learning and reviewing here.

*Thanks to Ariana and Jenny at Light on Light on Yoga! Seeing their blog helped me to remember that I wanted to look more closely at these asana sequences in the back of Light on Yoga.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

More Human than Humans


"Of great virility and enthusiasm, good looking, courageous, learned in scriptures, studious, sane of mind, not melancholy, keeping young, regular in food, with his senses under control, free from fear, clean, skillful, generous, helpful to all, firm, intelligent, independent, forgiving, of good character, of gentle speech and worshipping his Guru, such is a supreme seeker, fit for all forms of Yoga. He can reach enlightenment in three years."
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, 54th paragraph of the Introduction.

During a recent trip to the museum I heard a tour guide at the Art Institute of Chicago talking about a granite sculpture from 12th century India. It was of a deity with many arms. Each hand was either holding a symbolic object or making a communicative gesture. The guide was saying something about how the deities weren’t considered to be very different from people, they were just “more human than humans”. And this is what the many arms represent: increased humanity.

I want to say that it also might represent humans’ capacity across time, with each arm representing what we might do at different ages. When one aspect of life is over I can imagine discovering a new capacity that will allow me to go forward and do what needs to be done during this time. And so the representation with all those arms shown together can also be seen as a timeless state because it represents more than a moment, these abilities are all shown in one image, even thought the aspects might be experienced by people one at a time.

This is how I see Mr. Iyengar’s description of the “supreme seeker”: The “supreme seeker” is “more human than humans.”

These qualities listed above are all things that I have worked on at one time or another. (...except possibly virility, unless I try to stretch that word into a gender-neutral one like vigor.) So I don’t feel that the “supreme seeker” is a space alien or anything, but this person described here is pretty extreme from my viewpoint.

I imagine a deity with many arms, each arm representing one of the qualities of the “supreme seeker”: enthusiastic, good looking, courageous, studious, sane of mind, not melancholy… This list is totally overwhelming for me!

One could see our problems as having just as many arms as our ideals. Qualities of the anti-seeker: dejected, ugly, fearful, ADD, insane, melancholy… And we could see this as overwhelming or choose to take it one thing at a time.

The concept of a super-human can either overwhelm us (as it does me) and turn us off or we can take it as it comes with an open mind. One thing at a time…

We can shrink back in fear and say the world is only what I can hold in my two hands and see with my eyes right now. Realize that this is a reduced viewpoint. And it is an important place where we pay our bills and do things for our loved ones and friends.

But to ignore the incredible circumstances of our lives in the larger view is to ignore something important. Life is bigger than it might seem in a moment when I am balancing my checkbook!

As a group we literally have this many arms. Maybe I don't have to do it all myself. I was in a yoga class once where the teacher said that the next Buddha wasn't going to be an individual, but a group of people like an enlightened community. I'm not sure what that would look like, but I like the idea.

I was a baby and all the heights of little girl to my current height. There are fluctuations in my weight from time to time...all different aspects of "me". I could make an image of a creature with baby arms, little girl arms and the arms of a woman and it might represent me across time. This kind of image looks totally freaky to our eyes that are accustomed to photographic technology which only captures one moment at a time...

I experienced living in about five households before age seven. I think that each of these held a slightly different me. My parents experienced difficulty soon after I was born so I lived with them together only for a while. Then I lived with my Mom and Grandparents. And then I lived with just Mom for a little while. Then I lived with Nana and Grampa alone. After that I lived with Aunt, Uncle and Cousin. Then to Father and Step Mother where I had my seventh birthday.

Maybe I think that every moment holds a different me, and that every breath informs me differently.

When perceived across time I am more human than I can be in any one moment.

So is it that far off that I might have been all of those good qualities at one moment or another, even if I don't carry all of them right at this moment? And I also have at one point or another held all of the opposite descriptors... Maybe that's where spiritual concepts like "You are all of this, already. There's nowhere to go." type of thoughts come from. We already are all different states of ourselves, holding all the opposites already, so what is there to do?

Once we realize that we are not doing things from a lack of this or that, we can begin to do things freely, creatively...

Holy fragmentation, Bat Man! How can I keep it all straight? Maybe I just can't. When I consider all the aspects of myself I have been already, it is almost too much. Life just is what it is from moment to moment, and at the same time it is so much more than an individual moment.

And at the same time I strive to concentrate my positive energy to go forth as well as I can. I think Yoga helps with that.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Anger Awaits Instruction




I've noticed that people don't like to be angry, especially me. Anger just hasn't fit in with the personality profile I have held for myself. I'm always trying to convince myself that I am a "nice" person, but I have some emotions inside of me that are not-so-nice, like anger. So I struggle with this because I don't want to do what I've done up to now which is to reject it. My anger is a force that I need to do a better job of acknowledging!

I think that this is why I have been so entranced by the story of the Warrior, Virabhadra! It offers insight into how experiences of Anger and Grief might give opportunities to grow. Everything in the story is about acting and doing, and I find that my own patterns are more about resisting, holding back and holding on. I hate that! I want to fly. I want to move, but I am caught in the web of my own fears. (Poor me... I hate that, too!)

In the story Shiva, the Lord of the Universe (try thinking: the decision-maker in my (or your) psyche), is overcome with Grief and Rage. In the emotional storm, Shiva pulls out his hair. It falls to the ground and takes the form of Virabhadra: a great Warrior. This Grief and Anger now has it's own life, separate from Shiva.

Virabhadra turns to salute Shiva.

This is the moment that interests me. I see this story from ancient India working inside me: I get angry. My anger takes on a life of its own. (Who hasn't done something in anger that they would not have done under normal circumstances??) But it looks like (in this mythical language) I might be offered a chance to channel the energy of my anger towards service. That's what that line means to me: Virabhadra turns to salute Shiva.

In Light on Yoga, Mr. Iyengar says:
"A powerful hero named Virabhadra rose up and awaited his orders."

Can the energy of anger be heroic? I was always taught that anger was bad. I judged this emotion. I have been harmed by the misdirected anger of others. It frightens me. This anger that has been misfired towards me has also taught me that anger is bad. Wrong. It was wrong to be hurt like that.

But when I use what I learned through the uncontrolled missteps of others to put out the flames of my own will, that doesn't seem quite right either.

This is my project: I want to honor my anger when it salutes my inner decision-maker. I'd like to empower myself to use the energy of this resource to do the right thing, rather than lashing out without restraint, or directing it inward, hurting myself. But that seems so hard! The feelings of Grief and Anger are so intense and strong! My natural tendency is to get rid of them as fast as I can (without thinking). Can I bring these strong entities into a conscious framework and survive the experience?? It sounds dramatic, but I think that is the fear that I haven't addressed. In the moment of strong emotion the Fear in me says, "No! I don't want to be here! Let me hide." Fear is not the master I want to salute.

Now I know I want to be there (and not run away) so I can make the right choice and use my Warriors appropriately.

Do you think that we have inner Warriors, as aspects of our consciousness, that can be used to do our bidding, and help us in life? Or are we at the mercy of our own feelings?

I think that the unconscious and unvoiced belief that I've held up to now is that 'my anger might control me', so I've repressed it because I didn't want to be run by my anger. Perhaps I can empower myself to process this experience differently and dare to be a bitch when it is called for.

This is what the pose Virabhadrasana One (pictured above) means to me. This Warrior is an earth being with a long stance. She is well connected to her truth with a strong foundation on Earth as she moves through time. The arms and gaze are directed upward, offering energies (of possibly difficult emotions) to her decision-maker residing in her best self. And she does what needs to be done, even when it isn't pretty.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Friday, March 19, 2010

Warrior Goddess Energy

This is a Guest Muse by Angela Watkins:

I signed up for Brooks' Warrior Cool workshop because I wanted to devote some time/thought to my warrior goddess energy. I knew that Brooks would do a great job of telling the story of Virahabdra and guiding us to explore the story through asana and meditation. I went to the class seeking a deep exploration of the physical practice, mythical insight, and what being a warrior means to me.

When Brooks told the story of how and why Virahabdra was created, I was struck by the emotions of shame, submission, and surrender in the story, rather than the rage and revenge that lie so obviously on the surface of Virahabdra’s “birth.” I was touched by Sati’s acceptance and understanding of her groom’s hideous appearance at their wedding, and her sadness and humiliation when she arrived at the yagna to which she and her husband were the only uninvited guests in the universe. I was moved by her surrender and death, and by Shiva’s grief and compassion when he sees the suffering and destruction caused by his anger and aggression. I suppose that I thought the pulp and violence of the story would grab my attention, but not so.

During the asanas, I noticed that after each Warrior pose I experienced achy sensations/tightness in different parts of my body that weren’t the usual “trouble” spots for me, or where I usually feel the pose. Each time we practiced a standing pose we would go through a vinyasa and take a few breaths in downward facing dog- that’s when the achy sensation would surface. I would notice it, think to myself, “huh?,” and then transition into a different standing pose as the sensation dissipated. Then the sensation returned in a different spot when I came back to downward dog after the next vinyasa. I decided to back off a little bit, not bending my knee quite as deep, not stretching my arms quite as wide or high, and went straight back into downward dog instead of going through a full vinyasa. The achy sensations eventually subsided.

Right before Savasana, Brooks asked us to lie on our backs with bent knees and the feet wide so the knees could come inward together in a resting position for the lower back. I’ve done this many times, but this time something different happened. Almost immediately my legs felt weightless. I remember hearing Brooks instruct us to extend our legs onto the floor for Savasana, but I was already floating and didn’t feel the need to move. Soon the rest of my body felt light and I experienced the most restful Savasana I’ve had in a long time.

At the end of the class Brooks read us the poem “The Journey” by Mary Oliver. I was deeply touched as this poem has been very important to me for the last several years. Shortly after reading the poem for the first time eight years ago, I discovered yoga when I desperately needed something to help me reconnect with myself after a long, draining relationship. Yoga introduced me to that “new voice” she talks about in the poem - my own voice - which had been there all along. In some ways I consider reading Mary Oliver’s “The Journey” to be the beginning of my yoga journey.

I thanked Brooks for the workshop and went home, took a bath, and wrote about my experience in my yoga journal. While writing about my mysterious achy sensations, something occurred to me- I went to the workshop because I wanted to explore my warrior energy, and before the class, I assumed that had more to do with being assertive and willful, even aggressive. However, after stretching my arms as high as I could in the sky, and bending my knee so that my thigh was totally parallel with the earth, my body told me that was too much, and not in the predictable ways it has before. That wasn’t the kind of warrior energy that I needed to explore. When I surrendered a little bit and offered myself some compassion, I felt lighter and more balanced.

I have the tendency to over-do, in yoga and in life. I can accomplish great things and am strong-willed. It turns out that those extroverted aspects of the warrior I naturally have down, but there’s more to being a balanced warrior than that. First of all, being a warrior doesn’t mean that we have to win or conquer; we also have to know when to surrender and accept our limitations. We must connect with compassion and forgiveness, and even grief. It’s important to know when to fight and flex our muscles, and when to submit and surrender. That doesn’t mean that we won’t lash out like Shiva sometimes, especially if someone hurts us. But ultimately we have to temper our pride and ego with compassion and understanding to fully embody our warrior cool.


Angela Watkins teaches yoga at the Union League Club of Chicago, Chicago Yoga Center, and at the Agape House. She apprentices with Gabriel Halpern at the Yoga Circle on Tuesdays for the 10 a.m. class and 12 p.m. gentle class, following in the footsteps of this blog's author! She is also a musician and teaches at the Old Town School of Folk Music in their early childhood program, Wiggleworms.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Milk for My Soul


I was inspired by EcoYogini's bold ponderings, and also 'The Coil' by A Green Spell to write this post. Thank you, inspiring women!

My spiritual path is how I live my life in every moment. This includes my finest achievements and my most horrible shames. There is no separation between myself and my spiritual path. Yet some things tend to feed me spiritually.

Earlier this week I did a 35 minutes long seated meditation with a local Zen group. Sitting with the group felt so good! It was spiritual nourishment: milk for my soul. I just love sitting with a group! And I didn't like or agree with everything about the experience before and after the meditation. It wasn't that I especially liked the people at this center or anything; we had just met. I just was so glad to have that quiet time with others to sit with myself without distraction. It seems that I have learned just how good regular periods of extended meditation might be for me right now. I think that I need to sit more.

It seemed to settle my inner beast, that pack of hungry dogs that likes to distract me from things I care about in favor of their endless, whiny needs. Their barking keeps me running from one thing to the next and fuels the power of my worries. Bad dogs.

My meditation reminded me that where I am is perfect for me; I can drink the experience of my life like a fortifying liquid. The dharma talk reminded me that to be with my spiritual self I need to be aware of and honor the new growth in my life. When I mentally cling to the past, I am ignoring these new plants living in the field of my life. My ignorance of myself kills this precious new growth. Living in the past is not a true living state--not for the spirit in a person.

The next morning I woke up remembering some very helpful dreams about what I need in my life right now. It was all about building the foundation for myself. I can find my spiritual foundation inside myself, and I need to build a physical foundation in my earthly life to support my inner vision.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Warrior for an Expansive Heart




Feet broaden to embrace the ground under them; earth returns the affection. Legs are strong, pulling the stability up from the center of the world.

The arms and bent leg thigh are in line with the horizon, describing earth. Body perceives and communicates. The arms reach so much that my shoulders widen and my chest and upper back stretches.

Legs extend from right to left and from left to right. The bent leg inner thigh extends from the groin towards and beyond the inner knee--a mad extension. The straight leg presses the inner thigh to the outer thigh, and down to the outer edge of the foot. Legs are strongly extending both leftward and rightward, broadening across the pelvis. Tailbone draws toward earth, lengthening the back of the lumbar spine.

Warrior Two stretches the body wide, in alignment and connection with earth. Attuning ones will with forces that will move earthly situations. Focusing the sight for targeted force and unstoppable action.

This broadening and stretching of the body in line with our sacred earth extends consciousness similarly, broadening our capacity to understand. This horizontal reach welcomes our acceptance of all things, the gamut of experience from things we have loved to those things most detested. Our heart space is opened from side to side to love every grace and awkwardness of our selves, and expanded to open compassion for those we love openly and those for whom we restrain our love.

In this enlarged space I can joyfully accept the breadth of my experience in life, and direct my physical energy to align with my capacity for powerful action in service of my best self.

I am large enough, my heart-space is huge and big enough to see the things I might be avoiding; I am compassionate enough to see my reality and step into action. I can do this. Everything I need to do, I can do.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Warrior Beginnings


It started as a minor disturbance. Years ago, when I was assisting Gabriel Halpern in his 10am class on Tuesdays at the Yoga Circle, I had the assignment to present Warrior One to the class. When I was researching the pose in Light on Yoga I found it hard to understand the short version of the story in the beginning of the section devoted to the Warrior poses, and I was perturbed by this, but I let it go for a while as life occupied my attention otherwise.

Then, more recently, I came across the story again in Zo Newell's wonderful book, Downward Dogs & Warriors, and it really came alive for me this time. It is a vivid story that practically tells itself once you have the images and background.

The story has such potency for me. And I wonder if this might be the beginning of my journey with the Warrior, rather than the completion that having already presented the workshop might suggest. The Warrior is not done with me yet!

The story of the great Warrior, Virabhadra, is from a mythological story from India. It is my belief that when we hear stories from mythology that the images have the potential to open up understandings that otherwise could remain hidden. It engages the creative matrix of mind. And I also think that the images might interact with the minds of different people differently depending on what they are available to hear at the time. It is similar to visiting the Art Institute of Chicago: I respond to certain artworks, and others just seem pass over my eyes without much happening for me. And with stories (and poetry) certain aspects will rock my world and other parts I probably will not understand. If you listen to the same piece with me it could be that you will be strongly affected by things that had little affect on me and vice-versa. This perception is also time-dependent. Like when I visit the museum on a different day I find myself resonating with artworks that I wasn't drawn to previously, and similarly when I hear the same story or read the same poem years (or days) later I understand different parts. So the same piece can open up meaning differently depending on how the viewer/listener/reader is oriented at a particular time.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Warrior Ready




I did what I set out to do with my Warrior Cool workshop. When it was over I was satisfied. I wasn't ecstatic like 'oh my god I can't believe it'. I had more of a sense of alert accomplishment and calm. I had taken this idea and put it into words AND THEN I brought it into a real-time experience with other people. How cool.

I was well-prepared. I had practiced telling the story to a friend, and I told my rabbits the story of Virabhadra. I also recorded myself a few times, and tried to stop saying "you know" so much. And I also told the story of the warrior that the warrior poses are named after to Kuan Yin, and then to Kuan Yin and Nataraja, together with my flyer for the workshop. It all helped by focusing my attention, giving me context, and reminding me of my intention and purpose. So when it came time to speak, I could do it.

I also had prepared the sequense of poses, and researched and reviewed info on Virabhadrasana One, Two and Three.

And I had practiced in preparation to present this program at Yogaview.

The people showed up, and I was ready.


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Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Forceful Hatha Yoga for the Biggest Pushover!




"Of stable mind, capable of Laya Yoga, virile, independant, noble, merciful, forgiving, truthful, brave, young, respectful, worshipping his teacher, intent on the practice of Yoga, such is a superior seeker. He can reach enlightenment after six years of practice. The Guru instructs this forceful man in Hatha Yoga."
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, 53rd paragraph of the Introduction.

For much of my life, I have been such a pushover! No backbone. Spineless. My only defence was hiding. Inner stubbornness was my only stronghold of dignity. Run for cover! Get out of danger. It seemed better to protect my precious cargo than to risk living... But, I am alive, so how could I NOT risk living? It doesn't make sense, but when has that mattered when it came to my fear (which was all-powerful)? Life is not so enjoyable for this kind of person! No wonder I used to tell myself and my friends that "life sucks." It sure does when you feel totally powerless... (And are Totally Stupid...)

Totally Stupid Sutra 1.2.2:
Smile at everybody when you are sad inside.

What is the benefit of knowing that you are right, when your actions are all lies? This is a very real problem that a real pushover might one day find themself thinking. And it can all be because of the noble cause of being nice and polite no matter what. But the cost for being interminably nice can be high. Too high.

Recently, I've been blessed with little shots of anger that have started to let me know when someone has crossed a boundary with me. I say it is a blessing because it seems to be a new development in my experience. My anger is re-awakening from the long sleep that it can have in someone who believes or has been taught that they do not merit respect. Life is supposed to go badly for someone like this. They are supposed to screw up. This person is not treated well, or particularly liked by others. Well, this lie is over! And it was never true, even though I once offered hospitality to those toxic thoughts. I was just being polite...to the presence of a Total Lie! That takes too much energy!

Everybody deserves respect. Everybody has good in their heart. And I've seen mine. And some things are going well for me. I can no longer believe the lie that 'I'm no good'. The cover has been blown! Yeah!

So if you are someone in my life who recently saw me awkwardly attempting to say what I needed or felt, standing up for myself, or maybe I apologized for snapping at you, please bless me. I have my new friend: Anger, and I don't always know what to do with her, but I am so grateful that she has come. I was emotionally handicapped before. I was too afraid to feel this. So now that I am able to feel, I don't always know how to act. I am not always in control. The price for the false sense of control was too high. I prefer to be awkward. I prefer to feel.

And so I do believe that it is a part of my yogic path that I can feel this, and know this. This is what Forceful Hatha Yoga can do for a Total Pushover.

Rawr!


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Monday, March 1, 2010

A Compassionate Invention




"Parvati convinced Shiva to invent yoga out of compassion."
-Zo Newell, Downward Dogs and Warriors

In Indian mythological chronology Yoga was invented sometime after Virabhadra's famous party-crashing (which I will talk about at the Warrior Cool workshop this weekend!).

Parvati is daughter of the mountain: Mount Himavat or Himalaya. And she is the wife of Shiva, the Lord of the Universe, the Destroyer! I think of mountains as the earth's honoring of itself. The high earth on the mountain is like a glorious crown on the globe of the planet earth. So Parvati is the daughter of the earth's celebration of itself, a manifestation of a loving, majestic and generous earth.

Shiva destroys negativity and illusion. And people tend to be attached to things they know. So the work of Shiva is difficult for us to process, and we suffer as things are distroyed. Even though this distruction happens in the best interest for evolution of consciousness, for people as individuals and families it is hard to loose things we have known in our lives like relationships, possessions, ignorance (or is this just me--I knew so little, and still don't know much...) and youth. This loss is important because it creates room for the new growth.

So Parvati with her earthly sensibilities asked her special distroyer to create something that will allow people to live in this world without just being at the mercy of the suffering that aging and illness can naturally bring to our bodies and minds over time. So Shiva, out of his love for his wife, invented Yoga so people wouldn't have to suffer. Shiva, the Destroyer and Lord of the Graveyard, is known also as the Lord of Yoga, and is said to be the first Yoga Teacher, and Parvati is thought of as the first Student of Yoga.

As a student of Yoga from Chicago, IL, USA, even without knowing this mythology from India, I felt this benefit from my Yoga Practice. Yoga helped me to feel better. Yoga made my life, which had started to feel rather stifling, really liveable. Yoga has truly been an incredible gift in my life.

I also wonder if it speeded up the process of dispelling the illusions in my life, because so much has changed (I could no longer live the way I had been living), but perhaps that part is just life happening... I'm no longer trying to play some of the roles I used to try to do, and I'm more authentically myself than I've ever been. But I'm also seeing (even though I can't see it clearly) a phase of new growth coming up for me. When things get torn away, there is space for the castles of future homes of joy to be built. May it be so.


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